A Conflict of Interest? [ToE fanfic, mentions of spoilers]

[Lunatic Drache]

This is dedicated to...

Oh, read the thing and figure it out yourself.

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All of Eternia was in a crisis. It was bigger than the Grand Fall, bigger than Nereid and Shizel, and even bigger than the empty chasm that is Reid’s stomach. This was a predicament the entirety of Celestia and Infernia knew about; a grand calamity to be sung of millennia later by many a bard. The only one who didn’t know of the problem was not only the source of said problem, but also the only one who refused to acknowledge it existed in the first place.

Word of this chaotic event was extremely widespread, thanks to the efforts of our concerned Meredy. The female populations of the twin planets were rioting over these events. On one side was the Good Riddance Organization, who reveled with this knowledge; they were beyond simply elated.

Opposing them was the new Church, who couldn’t be more devastated upon hearing of such a tragedy. Filled with much empathy for Meredy, they invested all their efforts into two goals: stopping the Organization’s devilish desires and parades, and rectifying the catastrophe, the latter obviously being of the utmost importance.

The Church and the Organization, with their opposing views on the issue, clashed in every city, backwater village, mountain, undersea cave, and even laboratory as the hunt for the cause of the problem began. The bloodshed in this battle was immense, and both sides took heavy losses, yet neither side was yielding.

Unfortunately, the initiator for the bloody war was being adamant in his denial; he simply refused to accept reality and the truth.

That’s right, after hearing of the brutal, bloody battles surrounding just this one issue, Keele Zeibel refused to even address the problem, instead shutting himself in a small room, full of books stacked to the ceiling. Taking a chance to fetch his mail, Keele took a quick peek outside his room, and ran like hell. He had a massive bag of mail upon his return, over half of which was from the Great Priestess of the Church, expressing her love for him and telling him – very precisely – what he should be doing if he wants the letters to stop coming. What a creep.

There was a light knock at the door. Damn it, he wasn’t sneaky enough. Peeking in, Meredy came to his side, her own letters from the Priestess in hand. Keele figured they were accomplices in this great injustice to him, or at least collaborating in some way. As expected, Meredy had the same thing in her hands that she always had.

Today, the delectable meal was some sort of mystery meat, and the smell was very enticing, yet Keele was much too busy, yet again, to entertain her by eating it. The books were just too fascinating for him to think of anything else; in fact, the only reason he went to get mail was because he was expecting more books. However, after three weeks of them mysteriously not showing up, Keele suspected that Meredy, believing she was only doing a good deed for him, was snatching them.

The girl, apparently not sensing how ridiculously busy he was, callously told him to take a break and eat. Keele obstinately refused, like he had been doing for several weeks. An argument ensued, yet no matter how Meredy begged, demanded, or bickered, he would not be moved. Why could that simple girl not see that he was fine?! There was no way he was suffering from the same anorexia that so many models went through.

Looking at himself, he merely saw flab, but this was a serious issue – real fat – rather than contrived from the far reaches his mind. How Meredy – and the creep writing at least half of his letters – didn’t see it was beyond him; they had the nerve to say he was uncannily skinny instead!

With a sigh of retreat, Meredy left the room – though this time, it was for a longer period of time than normal. A few days passed, and still no sign of her. Keele began to forget she existed during his book reading frenzy, though he occasionally wondered what she had to do with her life now that she wasn’t dedicating it to bothering him.

What he didn’t know, however, was that Meredy was bringing in reinforcements from the Church, with the Priestess marching enthusiastically at the front. Behind her were several of the most devout worshippers of Keele from the same Church, ready and waiting should the need for them arise, in the event the combined forces of the ultimate lovers, Meredy and the Priestess, were not enough.

They struck in the dead of night, breaking down the wooden door with a thunderous crash. Keele stared them down, underestimating their sheer power, and earnestly believing he could chase them off.

After three hours of avalanches of books, screaming the entirety of both worlds could hear, and a hell of a lot of giggling, Keele’s mind was corrupted (or in the Church’s opinion, saved) enough to eat again.

Though the bloodshed surrounding his condition was stopped by such a simple action, many wonder whether or not to feel sorry for the boy. When Keele was asked his opinion about this several years later after the traumatic events, he simply stated, “Feel sorry for me? Why the hell would I want that? I have a harem!”
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Sig by Valor

[Aelph]

OMG... you've captured the fear and uncertainty of Keele's situation SOOOOOO perfectly. When I was reading it, I was like, POOR KEELE! I was soooooo worried about him. And I really, really, really like Meredy in your story. I like was, woooooooow, Keele is such an insensitive jerk! He only cares about himself! But other people still care about him! That's why Meredy is sooooo nice. She could do so much better than him.

I was almost in tears by the end, when he was saved. I really was.

Incredibly touching. I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

In (something resembling) seriousness, I've very rarely laughed so much in my life. You, my dear, are now WORTHY of calling him anorexic.

Which won't stop me arguing, but... I can only give so much.

[Rain Ýdalir]

Drache.

I love you.

So, so much.
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this is pretty rad

[Lunatic Drache]

You love me for mocking you all?

*shrugs* I aim to please!

[Roadie]

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

I laughed so, so hard.
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[Aelph]

[Shinigami Killer]

HAHAHAHAHA! I bow to you, drache! *bows lightly*

Brilliant stuff, really. I realized who the Church was in the bit about the Priestess' letters... XD
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Brawl friend code: 0131-6512-7797

[Lunatic Drache]

I was thinking it would be obvious when I first mentioned a Church, but I guess not