The OVA Spoof, Episode 4~by Meowzy and Solez

[Meowzy]

Once again, my esteemed spoof partner Solez and I have parodied the latest episode of Tales of Symphonia, the Animation, for your reading pleasure.

The following links are for the first three spoofs respectively..

http://tales.namco.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=61326
http://tales.namco.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=64025
http://tales.namco.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=65415

As usual, it was a lot of fun working together with Solez on this. We hope you'll enjoy this final installment of the Sylvarant saga. If all goes well, the Tethe'alla saga will be spoofed as well.



Colette’s thoughts: "I knew, from the very beginning- that this journey would take 4 episodes."
*steps in the Tower of Salvation are seen*
Colette’s thoughts: "Even if there was a way to extend our time together, I would not take it. 4 episodes is enough for any OVA. I knew that."
*Colette is seen outside the Dorr. Dorr moves offscreen and tries to fix the TV antenna*
Colette's thoughts: "But... You know what? I don't regret any of it."
*Colette steps forward, into a creepy red room*
Colette: "Lord Remiel, the Chosen has arrived. And she's referring to herself in the third person."
*a magic seal appears around Colette's feet*
'Remiel': "So is 'Remiel'. The one who was born to perform her duties, the Chosen One... I ask thee; Are you prepared to undertake the task of becoming a true angel?"
Colette's thoughts: "It has been painful and scary. But even so, Lloyd... I was very happy."
'Remiel': "... Please stop staring into space like that. It's creeping even 'Remiel' out."
Colette: "Oh, sorry. I was trying to make some pocket money by being Kratos.."
'Remiel': "I'll ask you one more time. Are you prepared?"
Colette: "Hmph."
'Remiel': "In that case, you must surrender the last things you have; your heart, your memories and Pietro."
Colette: *pulls Pietro out of her pocket* "Looks like I could get you a role in this Animation after all."
Pietro: "Yay! Let me just take a moment to advertise the Luin Rebuilding fund. We desperately need money to-"
'Remiel': "Hey hey, no shameless promotion for good causes here! What do you think this is, a religious tower? Now, in return, this world will get salvation. And the spoof title-"



TALES OF SYMPHONIA: THE OVA SPOOF

EPISODE 4

BY SOLEZ AND MEOWZY




{ Hima }

*Kratos is standing outside a church. A pathway to the summit of the mountain is seen. At the top, Dragon Rental Guy ( for that is his name ) is speaking to a group of pilgrims*
DRG: "The Tower of Salvation has opened. But it's protected by a barrier, so to get there you will need...exceptional means. If that's okay with you, it's 10,000 Gald for one."
DRG's thoughts: "Fools! Little do they know I am actually Vharley, the Exsphere broker, in a thinly veiled disguise, having borrowed dragons from Rodyle!"

*flashback to Rodyle offering dragons to Vharley*
Rodyle: "Just so you know, these dragons are afraid of water."
Vharley: "Really? How come?"
Rodyle: "...I'd rather not talk about that."
*end flashback*

Tourist #1: "That's an outrageous price!"
Tourist #2: "The only person who can afford that is the Earth Dragon! Ironically."
DRG: "Do as you please. But if you miss this chance, how long will you have to wait for another opportunity? A decade? Two decades?.."
*Kratos is seen outside the Church again*
Kratos: "Hm...I can't see my house anymore."


*Raine is in the Church of Martel with a priest, accepting a small treasure chest*
Raine: "Cha-ching! With this, we'll be able to buy the Board of Education!"
Priest: *clears throat*
Raine: "... I mean... the dragon. Elder, we are greatly obliged by this."
Priest: "As a servant of the Goddess Martel, I am truly happy that I could help. Now, when will I see my family again?!"
Raine: "Never."
Priest: "Damnit! I knew I shouldn't have given you the jewels first!"
Raine: " We intend to depart tomorrow morning. As long as we don't get betrayed, we'll be leaving together."
Priest: "Hopeful, religious optimism."
Raine: "Sad, reluctant agreement."
*little girl enters*
Girl: "Mr. Priest, could you read- Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were having a stereotypical discussion."
Priest: "I'm terribly sorry. Could you wait just a little longer while I attempt to win my family back?"
Girl: "Yes, I understand. See you later!"
*the girl leaves again*
Priest: "Now where were we? Oh yes... Emotional question about Chosen?"
Raine: "Sad answer filled with regret."
Priest: "Sympathy."
Raine: "Emo expression mixed with answer that implies Lloyd is having a rough time."

*meanwhile, at the inn, Lloyd is stuffing his face happily*
Lloyd: "Finally, something that doesn't taste like baka!"
Genis: "I'm so embarrassed.."
Colette: *shakes head in pity*
Lloyd: "This stuff is delicious! Try some Botta Bread, Genis!"
*puts Genis in headlock and stuffs bread in his mouth*
Genis: "Tastes like...suffocation...Lloyd, I'm choking.."
Lloyd: "No, you're not! I'd notice if someone was going to die around me!"
Colette's thoughts: "Oh, the irony."

*Genis, Lloyd and Colette are sitting on the roof of the inn*
Genis: "I thought I was stupid."
Lloyd: "Why's that?"
Genis: "I don't know whether this is the right thing to do, or the wrong thing. But thanks to you, I know..."
Lloyd: "You do?"
Genis: "Yeah... I'm not stupid at all. You're WAY more stupid than me."
Lloyd: "No I'm not! Prove it!"
Genis: "Lloyd, it was your idea that we sit on this rooftop, and now we've been stuck here for three hours already!"
Lloyd: "That's not stupidity! That's... being adventurous! As for that whole 'right or wrong' thing... Nobody knows that for sure. People who think they know are idiots. No... Not just idiots. They're bakas!"
Genis: "Like you, Lloyd?"
Lloyd: "Yes, like m- ... HEY!"
Genis: "Hey, what do you think of this, Colette? Do you really want it to end like this?"
Colette's thoughts: "It's dumb enough to ask me questions like this usually, since I'm blonde.. but for Martel's sake, I CAN'T SPEAK."
Lloyd: "Can I ask you one last thing, Colette?"
Colette: "...."
Lloyd: "Why haven't we pushed Genis off the roof yet?"
*Lloyd kicks Genis, who rolls down the roof and lands with a sickening thud on the ground*
Lloyd: " Okay, one more thing. "
Colette: "...."
Lloyd: "Could you give back the necklace? The boomerang?"
Colette's thoughts: "Here! Take it! I'm free!"
Lloyd: "Amateurish. Only a quarter of what it should be. That's what Dirky Kong said before the barrel came flying at me. But I made it with all my heart, and that's why you can't have it. It's mine now."
Colette's thoughts: "You seem to be under the impression that I care about your crappy toy."
Lloyd: "This pendant and me... We'll return to Iselia and live happily ever after! I'll fix it up to be even better. I probably can't do it now. Maybe not when I'm a legal adult... But some day, it'll be perfect! The preciousss...!"
Colette: "..."
Lloyd: "You want to see the precious too, right Colette? I'll show it you again when it's ready. Because even after you become an angel, Colette is Colette. So... Let's go home together. Plus, you still have that library book you're supposed to return. Remember? The Happy Adventures of Gollum the Unicorn?"
Colette’s thoughts: "Even if there was a time to extend our time together, I would not take it. We can't keep pretending Sheena's seal cards are Kratos' cheques anymore."

*Meanwhile, at the itemstore...*
Kratos: "Yes, I'd like a couple of Pineapple gels. Something tells me I'm going to be casting a lot of spells tomorrow."
Storekeeper: "Of course, sir. Will you be paying cash or charge?"
Kratos: "I have a cheque." *hands it over*
Storekeeper: "Uhm, sir? This is some sort of Chinese trading card."
Kratos: "... Huh? I must've grabbed one of Sheena's cards by mistake."


*That night, Colette is sitting on her bed*
Colette’s thoughts: "I guess it really did become very painful. And scary. So I left the room Lloyd was sleeping in, as I couldn't stand the snoring anymore."
*Colette steps outside, Kratos is standing there*
Kratos: "You too, huh?"
*Colette glances to the side, towards a familiar and very suspicious bush. Kratos doesn't notice, and walks off*
Kratos: "Well, since we're up, we might as well regenerate the world."
Colette’s thoughts: "It's true. I'm very happy. I may lose my heart, my memories, and Pietro-"
Pietro: "Yo."
Colette’s thoughts: "But it's a small price to pay to get to ride an actual dragon!"
Kratos: "So which dragon do you want?"
*5 minutes later Colette and Kratos are riding on the back of a Charizard to the Tower of Salvation*
Colette’s thoughts: "Besides, my life was probably meant to flow into this world. By becoming this sky.. this wind.. that blade of grass over there.. that fluffy cloud.. the earth, the flowers.. puppies...that rock...four-leaf clovers, I'll always be with Lloyd."
*Colette's crystal breaks the barrier around the Tower of Salvation. Meanwhile, at Hima, Lloyd wakes up. His crystal is glowing*
Genis: *rubs eyes sleepily* "What's up, Lloyd?"
Lloyd: "... Papercut."

*Morning comes. Lloyd, Raine and Genis are running through the forest, having realized that Colette and Kratos have left without them*
Lloyd: "Why did this happen?! Why did Kratos have to steal our money? Now we have to RUN to the tower!"
*earlier, Kratos sneaks into Raine's bedroom and approaches the treasure chest**
Kratos: "Hm........Yoink!"
*grabs it and runs, making sure to trample Genis on the way out*
Kratos: “...Heh.”

*Raine stops running*
Raine: "I'm sorry for keeping quiet about Colette."
Genis: "Raine?"
Raine: "This journey of Regeneration... is a shameless promotion for a videogame."
Genis and Lloyd: *GASP!*
Raine: "Hahahah! Gotcha! It's actually a journey towards someone's death."
Genis: "Jeez Raine, don't scare us like that."
Raine: "Not being able to feel... Not being able to cry... Not being able to talk... And, even though this OVA doesn't really cover it... Not being able to eat."
Lloyd: "What, you too? I thought Colette was the only one!"
Genis: "She’s not the Chosen ‘One’ after all, huh Lloyd?”
Raine: "And then, at the end of the journey, Colette loses everything. Heart, memories.."
Lloyd: "Even Pietro?"
Raine: "Even Pietro."
Genis: "SAY IT AIN'T SO!"
Raine: "In order to become a true angel, the Chosen must willingly give up everything. After she becomes an angel, her body fuses with Martel."
Lloyd: "How do you know so much?"
Raine: "How do you know so little?"
Lloyd: "...Touché."
Raine: "That's the truth behind the World Regeneration."
Lloyd: "You're sure you're not missing anything?"
Raine: "Oh, come on. This is shocking enough already. It couldn't possibly get worse."
*we see little Colette and a bunch of priests*
Raine: "Colette knew this from the beginning. But over the course of six years, she tucked away the truth inside her."
Genis: "Are you implying Colette is only six years old? Or, that she’s going to die?..”
Lloyd: "You're joking again, right professor? Ahahah! Good one!"
Raine: "..."
Genis: "... Come on, sis! Admit it's a joke!"
Raine: "..If you want a joke, I've got one. It's about a guy named George and a carnival, you see...”
Lloyd: "Colette is going to die?"
Genis: "That's awful, Sis! Why didn't you tell us?"
Raine: "....Plot purposes?"
Lloyd: "Ooh, okay. It makes complete sense now."
Genis: "All is forgiven."
Raine: "Colette or the Regeneration of the world... I wonder which you would choose."
Genis: "I'll take 'all of the above' for 500, Raine."
Lloyd: "You fool! Why didn't you wait to see what was behind Curtain No. 3?"
*Lloyd starts to walk away*
Genis: "Lloyd!"
Lloyd: "I'm going."
Genis: "Going to rescue Colette?"
Lloyd: "Hey, that's a better idea than what I had in mind! I was just going to go home!.. She's always suffering for the sake of others! She always fights for someone else, never herself! And even so, there's not a single person that will protect her!"
Raine: "..But didn't we hire Kratos for that exact reason? To protect her?"
Lloyd: "Does he actually protect her? Or does he just make us believe he does, with his mercenary brainwashing?"
Raine: "Brainwashing?"
Genis: "Must.. blame.. my.. fate.."
Lloyd: "I... will fight! For Colette's sake! I don't know what I can do. I don't know what will happen to the world, but... I have to go!"
Raine: "Lloyd, the Tower of Salvation is a dangerous place, so going there-"
Lloyd: "No, I mean... I have to go! Really badly! With all the chaos this morning, I didn't have time to go to the little boy's room."
Genis: "Just go behind that tree over there."
Yuan: "Uaaaaarghhh!"
*Yuan hops out from behind the tree*
Yuan: "Screw hiding!"
Lloyd: "Whoah, were you following us the entire time?"
*cheap flashback to every single suspicious bush scene. Flashing arrows point at the bush*

Yuan: ".... No..."
Genis: "Who cares? It's just a filthy Desian."
Yuan: "Renegade."
Lloyd: "Gesundheit."
Yuan: "We are the Renegades. And organization which-"
Lloyd: "What do you mean, "we"? There's only one of you."
Yuan: "Will you just let me FINISH?! This is my first real scene, you know!"
Lloyd: "Geez, fine."
Yuan: "-which opposes the Desians. And...” *takes of his helmet and flips back his hair in a girly manner* “.. I'm Yuan, leader of the Renegades."
Lloyd: "...."
Yuan: "... Your turn."
Lloyd: "Yuan...Ohh, you're the guy whose butt Kratos was talking about!"
Yuan: "What the-"
Lloyd: “Yeah! In Episode 2, the fountain scene!”
Yuan: "I'm... not sure what to think about this. Though it's not the first compliment I've gotten about my fine ass.”
Genis: "So, wait, you dress as a Desian, but you want to oppose them?"
Yuan: "Correct. We're an organization that wants to stop the Chosen from becoming a true angel, thereby extending the OVA as long as possible."
*a whole army of Renegades on dragons appear*
Lloyd: "Wow, and where did you get all those dragons?"
Yuan: "Uhm.."

*flashback to Yuan at Rodyle’s ranch*
Yuan: “Give me those dragons!”
Rodyle: “No! Why do you need them, anyway?!”
Yuan: “I'll give you Mana Cannon blueprints in exchange..”
Rodyle: “Deal!” *snatches the prints* “ Heheh. Sucker.”
Yuan: *walks away with forty-two dragons on a leash* “Sucker.”

Yuan: “...Internet.”
Genis: "Ohhh, okay."
Yuan: "We'll pick the Chosen up at the Tower of Salvation. It's best to go in numbers. Will you come with us? I'm totally not planning anything suspicious."
Lloyd: "Let's blindly walk into this stranger's clutches! He's got a fine ass and likes to hide behind trees, so I'm sure it's okay!"
Raine: "I've taught you well."

*At the Tower of Salvation*
‘Remiel’: “Man, I’m getting some serious déja vu here.. The one who was born to perform her duties, the Chosen One. I ask thee-are you prepared?”
Colette: "..."
Remiel: "Jeez, how many times do I have to repeat this?"
Colette: "No. Wait, yes. Yes. No. I mean, yes. No. Yes. Yes."
'Remiel': *starts to ascend into heaven*
Colette: "Yes, I am."
'Remiel': "Then you must surrender the last things you have, your heart, memories and Pietro."
Pietro: "The Luin Rebuilding Fund! Donate now! Please! We can't afford a commercial-"
'Remiel': "What did I tell you in the opening sequence?” *smites Pietro* “Now.”
Colette: "Should I be alarmed by this Desian-like behaviour?"
'Remiel': "Nothing to worry about, vermin."
Colette: "Oh, okay."
*a light surrounds Colette*


*Kratos is standing outside the Tower of Salvation facing the dragon army*
Kratos: "Special effects.. cast your purifying light show upon these sinners...Rest in peace, extras! Judgment!"
*Beams of light rain upon the army of 40 dragons, obliterating them*
Kratos: "Some might say that was a waste of money...Not me, though."
*Kratos turns to walk away*
Lloyd's voice: "Kratos!"
*Lloyd crash-lands his dragon into the ground. Genis rolls off*
Kratos: "Lloyd. Didn't your mother ever teach you how to drive a dragon?"
Genis: "The ones riding the dragons weren't Desians! They're called R-"
Kratos: "That's... completely not what I asked."
Lloyd: "We've decided to save Colette and extend the OVA by four more episodes! Give us a hand! You, of all people, should understand! You have more fangirls than all of us combined!"
Yuan: "It seems you're quite the trickster, Kratos Aurion. Despite all the foreshadowing, you got them to believe you're actually a good guy."
Kratos: "Their level of gullibility deserves most of the credit."
Lloyd: "What's that supposed to mean?!"
Kratos: "Nothing."
Lloyd: "Okay!" *blank smile*
Kratos: "To provide the Chosen's body for Martel; that is the purpose of Cruxis."
Lloyd: "Cruxis? ..." *shakes his head* "As usual, I have no clue what you're talking about. There's no time for explanations either, so I'm just going to run towards you and grab your shoulder!"
*Lloyd does so. The second his fingers get an inch away from Kratos' shoulder, some funky barrier appears and Lloyd is sent flying back a few feet *
*Kratos now has a pair of shiny blue wings. Everyone gasps, and a soap opera-ish 'dun dun duuun' plays in the background*
Lloyd: "Wow, what a twist! Nothing could top this!"
Yuan: "Really?"
Kratos: "I am one of the Seraphim who lead this world. A member of Cruxis. I am an angel who was sent to ensure the Chosen's success."
Genis: "A-angel?!"
Raine: "The wings had established as much already, Genis."
Genis: "Oh. Right."
Raine: "You've deceived us, haven't you?"
Kratos: "Deceived you? The Chosen herself chose to die in order to regenerate the world. It is what you wanted as well. That is why you hired me, correct? To make sure she gets to the Tower safely?”
Lloyd: ".... Dammit! He's right! But I didn't know that she'd die!"
Kratos: "Raine did, though. So if you want to blame someone..." *points*
Raine: "......Crap."
Kratos: "And anyway, it's not that she'll die. She'll simply be reborn as Martel."
Genis: "But don't you have to die to be reborn?"
Kratos: "If you're going to keep criticizing me, there'll be no more screen time for any of you!"
Lloyd: "Hey Kratos, didn't you say I should become strong? To protect Colette during those hard times?"
Kratos: "I might have...mentioned something.. along those lines.."
Lloyd: "I don't understand anything about Cruxis or becoming an angel, but.."
Raine: "Lloyd, you don't understand anything, period."
Lloyd: "But I thought I understood what Kratos was saying!"
Yuan's thoughts: "Curses! I haven't had a line in minutes! I've got to think of something fast!"
*Yuan steps forward*
Yuan: "Yeah! Right!"
*everybody is silent*
Yuan: *coughs* "There's nothing you can say. Kratos' heart is long dead. Martel's revival is all the angels are interested in." *draws sword*
Lloyd: "Wait a second! You're going to try and kill someone whose heart is dead?"
Yuan: "Hm. It sounded better in my head, to be honest."
*Yuan attacks Kratos and they start to battle furiously*
Lloyd: "Wow! Look at 'em go!"
Meowzy: *squeal*
Yuan: "Now! Go! Prevent the Chosen from becoming an angel!"
*the gang rushes past Kratos and enters the Tower of Salvation. Kratos stares after them*
Yuan: "Look at me, Kratos."
Kratos: "But-"
Yuan: "No buts!"
Kratos: "Except for Yuan's!"
*a small silence*
Kratos: "... Oh, crap. You're standing right in front of me."
Yuan: "You realize, of course, that I'm going to have to kick your ass now?"
Kratos: "Obviously."
*Yuan makes his enormous double-edged saber appear*
Yuan: "The true fight starts now!"

*sadly, the viewers will miss most of this fight, as the scene switches to the inside of the Tower. Lloyd, Genis and Raine are running up the steps*
Lloyd: "I could really use a Quickjump option!"

*The heroes finally reach the door at the top and are transported to a chamber where they see Colette fall to the ground*
Lloyd: "Colette!"
*Colette's body floats into the air*
Lloyd: "Hey, she's alright! She's just a bit.. weirder than usual..."
*starts to go towards her*
Colette: "Don't come here!"
Lloyd: *looks left and right* "But it's safe to cross, there's no traffic-hey, you can speak!"
Colette: "Weird, isn't it? It's a pretty stupid plothole, but convenient for me. I can say goodbye to Lloyd at the very end. Since I've always had you, Lloyd, I wanted to protect this world. After all, you reminded me that there are idiots who can't take care of themselves. So... Thank you, Lloyd."
Lloyd: "Colette!"
Colette: *tears run down her face* "Whoops, looks like another plothole. I'm sorry."
*Colette's eyes darken as Lloyd jumps towards her. She doesn't respond, and Lloyd falls to the ground*
Lloyd: "COLEEETTTTTEEEE!!"
Genis: "It's not true...For this to happen...they must have given her the wrong contacts! Her eyes are meant to be red!"
*Lloyd stands up and walks towards Colette*
Lloyd: "Colette..."
*is blasted by an attack from 'Remiel'. He lands a few feet away*
Lloyd: "Would people stop doing that?! I can't do anything without getting blown backwards!"
*Lloyd draws his swords*
Lloyd: "Give her back! Give Colette back!"
'Remiel': "I'm afraid I can't do that. Company policy. She's Martel's vessel, and I'll be damned if I'll let her go after all the trouble we went through."
*He flies next to Colette*
'Remiel': "The Colette you know has already died. She has no thoughts or memories of you. Not even the Baka scene. This is just a puppet."
Genis: "Now that you mention it, she really does look like a Barbie doll..."
Lloyd: "Colette has really forgotten me? That's weird. It's usually the other way around. Colette, that isn't true, is it? Answer me! Why won't you reply?!"
'Remiel''s thoughts: *glances over to Colette* "Now that think I about it, the way I've placed my hand on her shoulder is kind of creepy."
*Lloyd drops his swords and goes into complete 'emo' mode*
Genis: "Ah no, not again..."
Raine: "Show off."
'Remiel': "The holy land of Derris-Kharlan can now be summoned....what? I bet they translated this wrong, you know. How about 'the Chosen can now be summoned to the holy land of Derris-Kharlan?'"
*Director gives thumbs up*
'Remiel': "Right, so the Chosen can now be summoned to the holy land of Derris-Kharlan. And having gone from the First Seal to the Tower of Salvation, your role as a main character ends here. Farewell."
*'Remiel' starts to glow when suddenly he is hit by two spells*
'Remiel': "Ow! Hey! What was that for?"
Raine: "We're main characters too! We'll be damned if we let Lloyd hog all the screen time!"
Genis: "Yeah! ... And maybe we did it to protect our friend as well. Only a bit."
Lloyd: "Genis... Professor..."
*Lloyd's crystal starts to glow*
Anna's voice: "Protect those who are important to you..."
Lloyd: "Hm... Obviously, the voices in my head are telling me to kill 'Remiel'."
'Remiel': "Come again?!"
Lloyd: *picks up his swords* "Yeah... Challenge a higher being in hopes of getting an empty vessel back. This is my best idea ever!"
'Remiel': "This wasn't in the job description!"
*in hopes of self defence, 'Remiel' fires a blast of magic at the gang, that causes part of the Tower to blow up. Meanwhile, outside the tower, the battle between Kratos and Yuan rages on."
Kratos: *looks up* "Lloyd!"
Yuan: "Cheater Tactic #42!" *jumps into the air while Kratos is distracted* "Tenshou Raizangeki!"
*Kratos is flung against a pillar. Yuan looks up to see an explosion at the top of the Tower of Salvation*
Yuan: "Damn. Now I could use a Quick Jump option."
*starts to run up stairs*

*Back in the Tower of Salvation, Raine and Genis are lying in pain*
Genis: "I think I pulled a muscle.."
Raine: "What fools we were, to think we could actually fight a boss.."
'Remiel': "You damned inferior being!"
Lloyd: "Who do you think you are? Kvar?!"
*Lloyd starts to glow with a strange golden power*
Genis: "Wow! He really is a Super Saiyan!"
*Lloyd fires a Fierce Demon Fang at 'Remiel', who tries to put up a force field. Of course, seeing as this is only Koton in disguise, the field is easily broken and he crashes into a piece of the decor*
'Remiel': "MY HIP!"
*the quake of the impact causes the cardboard full moon to become loose. It falls towards Colette, who can't move out of the way because she has to stay in-character*
Lloyd: "COLETTE!"
*Lloyd rushes towards Colette, but instead of pushing her out of the way like any sane person would, he pulls her into a protective hug. The moon speeds towards them, and-*



INTERMISSION

Meowzy: "Oh, wow. The suspense, the drama, the wonderful soundtrack! Simply astounding! This is one of the best scenes EVER. In fact, this episode is my favourite so far. But that's only obvious, right? It has Yuan, after all. And Lloyd acting like a ridiculous emo, which makes me laugh. How about you, Solez? Which episode is your favourite?"
Solez: "Well, not to darken the already bright mood created by your enthusiasm, Meowzy, but I prefer Episode 3. But I'll certainly admit that the soundtrack and the Yuan/Kratos - stop sniggering, I mean their battle scenes - are some of my favourites from the whole 4 Sylvarant episodes. So it's possibly my second favourite episode. But to move on with our pointless rants and comments, let's discuss the importance of dental hygiene. What say you, Meowzy?"
Meowzy: "Dental hygiene? Indeed, that's a pressing matter in our current times. Why, with all those different sorts of candy and sweeteners, our teeth are becoming the targets of unprovoked attacks. Not to mention the damage that coffee does... That's why it's important to brush three times a day. And remember, one 'brush' takes two minutes or more, otherwise it's useless!"
Solez: "All good points. I'd also recommend visiting your dentist at least once a year, for a check-up. Or using dental floss to eradicate those hard-to-reach pieces of food caught between your molars. I've also been asked by Cruxis to advertise Magnius' Homemade Mouth Wash, "For when you've had 'enough of this plaque!'" So take care when brushing your teeth, kids."
Meowzy: "Koton is going to get on our case for promoting stuff in this episode again. But I wonder what'll happen when you mix that with Kvar's homemade orange juice. I mean, the taste of orange juice after brushing your teeth is bad enough as it is. But if you do this Cruxis style, it's probably magnified by twenty. Ugh.... It's too horrible to imagine. So what have we learned from all this?-
Mixing two Cruxis products is a Cardinal sin! ... Geddit? Cardinal? Har. Har."
Solez: "Meowzy, that was a bad pun, but I love it anyway. I don't know what would happen, but I can assume it would be tragic. I don't think Koton will be much of an issue, as you'll see in a few minutes. Casualties of war/animation, you know. I don't think he read the job description, it clearly stated there was a slight possibility of dying. It's always important to read the fine print, why, I remember this one time, at Spoof Camp-"

*5 hours later*

Solez: "There'll be no more chapters,
Thanks for listening, friend.
From Solez, and our heroes-
Here's the final line-

The End. ..Hm. I seem to have strayed from the point, and recited something along the lines of Tales of Symphonia, the Poetic Saga, by Solez. Me, in fact."
Meowzy: "It was a saga indeed. This is something that everyone should read. Now, without further delay, back to our feature presentation we shall stray."

*back to spoof*

*Lloyd wakes up in bed. He looks to his right and sees Raine and Genis*
Lloyd: "Where am I..? Genis, Professor?"
Genis: "Oh, you're awake. You hadn't woken up, so we were starting to get hopeful. I mean, worried."
Raine: "Yes. Worried."
*Genis and Raine nod vigorously*
*Lloyd turns around and sees Colette standing motionless*
Lloyd: "Colette? Colette! Oh, I'm so sorry.. All those emo scenes and I still couldn't protect you."
Yuan: "I'd be careful if I were you."
*Lloyd turns to see Yuan, Botta and another Renegade*
Yuan: "Right now the Chosen is in self-defence mode, and will strike an enemy at a moment's notice. She already got Botta."
*holds out pictures comparing the in-game Botta to the animated Botta*
Lloyd: "Holy crap, she ruined him!"
Yuan: "As you can see, the effects can be disastrous."
*Botta pulls a paper bag over his head*
Yuan: "I suppose you should be grateful."

*Meanwhile, at the tower of Salvation, Kratos is glancing down at what's left of ‘Remiel’*
Kratos: "Damn that Yuan. He got blood all over the Remiel costume."
*he notices the sword sticking in the floor next to ‘Remiel’*
Kratos: "... Didn't Yuan leave that thing outside?"
*Standard Renegade Sword gained the title; 'Suspicious Sword'!*

*Back at the Renegade base*
Lloyd: "So the Angels and the Desians are working together?"
Yuan: "Yes. That is exactly what I just finished telling you. The Angels manipulate the Church of Martel, the rest are Desians."
Raine: "Kratos did mention something like this."
Lloyd: "Did he?"

*flashback to scene outside Tower of Salvation*
Kratos: "Except for Yuan's!"
*end flashback*

Lloyd: "Oh yeah, he did."
Raine: "So, about this Cruxis... That's the name of the angel's organization?"
Yuan: "Obviously."
Genis: "HOLD IT!"
Raine: "Yes, Mr. Sage?"
Genis: "Why is Cruxis going through all this trouble? There's no motive!"
Raine: "Perhaps it's to revive the Goddess Martel."
Genis: "What makes you say that?"

*start flashbacks to earlier in the episode, where Martel is clearly mentioned, accompanied by flashing arrows;*
Raine: "In order to become a true angel, the Chosen must willingly give up everything. After she becomes an angel, her body fuses with Martel."
-
Kratos: "And anyway, it's not that she'll die. She'll simply be reborn as Martel."
-
'Remiel': "Blahbla she's Martel's vessel, blah."*
*end flashback*

Lloyd: “Man, I really should have paid attention in those scenes.”
Raine: "So.. the Desians were put in place to terrorize the people.. Then they control marriages with the Oracle, to create vessels.."
Yuan: "Impressive."
Lloyd: "Lloyd's getting confused!"
Raine: "One more thing. Was it the Renegades who attacked Colette at the Martel Temple?"

*we see the Renegades stabbing those poor, nameless mercenaries at Martel Temple. Then, we see Forcystus in Iselia's square, laughing in an awfully girly way*
Forcystus: “There exist people who are masquerading as Desians.”
*end flashback*

Lloyd: “You mean you're the cosplayers?!”
Yuan: "Who told you about my Princess Peach outfit?!"
Lloyd: "What are you guys up to?"
Yuan: "We're here to kick ass and drink cups of coffee. And we're all out of coffee."
Botta: "We really are. We've still got the dental plan, though!"
Yuan: "Hush. You're not supposed to have any dialogue yet. We thought that killing the Chosen would prevent Martel's revival. Although I wouldn't dare the Chosen right now. However, in order to achieve our goals, we need something essential which just appeared."
Genis: "Is it me?! It's me, isn't it? My moment's finally come!"
Yuan: "No, it's Lloyd Irving."
Genis: "WHY IS EVERYTHING IN THIS DAMN OVA ABOUT LLOYD?!"
Lloyd: "Me? What about me?"
Yuan: "It's not important."
Lloyd: "Yet I'll die because of it?"
Yuan: *nods*
Lloyd: "So you're our enemies?"
Yuan: "I suppose that's one way to put it.."
*An unusually well-endowed Renegade enters*
Renegade: "Lord Yuan. An enemy has intruded."
Botta: "Wow.. Renegade #4...I never told you this before, but.."
Yuan: "An enemy?...Is it you, rat?!"
*unsheathes sword and swipes at impostor Renegade, who unleashes some seal cards at Yuan in response*
Genis: "That's...!"
Lloyd: "You're right, Genis! That's Ryu Hayabusa!"
*there is an explosion, Botta and Yuan are left coughing amongst the smoke*
Botta: "Are you alright, lord Yuan?"
Yuan: "When's the last time we saved? I want to try that again."

*Sheena leads Genis, Raine and Lloyd through the corridors as alarms ring*
Lloyd: "It seems you saved us again. Thank you."
Sheena: "What if I told you there was a way to restore the Chosen's humanity?"
Raine: "I'd shrug half-heartedly."
Genis: "I'd sigh disappointedly."
Lloyd: "I'd nod begrudgingly."
Sheena: "No, I mean... Would you do it, or not?"
*Lloyd glances to Raine and Genis, who shrug and sigh respectively. Lloyd nods and turns back to Sheena*
Lloyd: "I'd follow you to the end of the universe. I hear there's a nice restaurant there."
Sheena: "Is that true?"
Lloyd: "Yes. I read it in this book, you see..."
Corrine: "Sheena, I found them!"
Sheena: "..."
Corrine: "... That's it."
Lloyd: "Damn. The writers are going to have a hard time turning that into something humorous."
Sheena: "Let's just go."

*Sheena leads them to a hangar filled with machines*
Genis: "And these are?"
Sheena: "Rheairds. They can travel between distortions of dimensions."
Raine: "Distortions? Lloyd has no idea what you're saying."
Lloyd: "She's right, you know."
Sheena: "Listen, just stay quiet and don't ask any questions. Aside from Sylvarant, there's another world."
Genis: "Like Dimension X?"
*Sheena throws a seal, trapping Genis' mouth shut*
Sheena: "I thought I told you not to ask any questions...I came here from that other world, in order to prevent the Chosen from becoming an angel."
Genis: "That other world?"
*Sheena throws another 'sticker' to trap Genis' mouth shut*
Sheena: "Hey, what happened to the first one?"
*looks to Lloyd, who has got the first sticker stuck to his forehead*
Sheena: "In my world, they are doing research on angels. The researchers there might be able to turn the Chosen back into a human. I, too, would like to find a way to finish this without killing the Chosen."
Lloyd: "Do you actually like Colette?"
Sheena: "Heh, let's just say... I like her as much as the character designers like Botta."
Lloyd: "Ouch."
Sheena: "You guys might not be able to return to this world. I'll ask you again. Do you have the courage and fortitude to cross the dimensional distortions and stay true in the face of danger and almost sudden death?"
Genis: "..."
Sheena: "Answer me, man!"
Lloyd: "The poor kid's a mute, because you stickered him, remember?"
Sheena: "Oh, right. Then... Lloyd. The same question."
*Lloyd glances over to Colette, then nods. Sheena grins and presses a few random buttons*
Sheena: "I've activated the automatic sequence. ... I think."
Lloyd: "You think?"
Sheena: "It could also have been the self-destruct sequence. Only one way to find out, though, so park your behinds on those Rheairds."
Raine: "Oohhh, I hope it was the self-destruct sequence!" *bounces up and down in an excited manner*
Lloyd: "Sheena! Just listen to one thing. This world you come from... What's it called?"
*suspense*
*more suspense*
*you can almost cut the tension in the air*
Sheena: "...... Tethe'alla."
Genis: "That's it?"
Raine: "I was expecting something better."
Lloyd: *sighs*

*Zelos is seen in Tethe'alla, watching the Rheairds cross the sky*
Zelos: "Looks like there are going to be four more episodes."
*walks away*

*Presea looks out the window of her house to see the Rheairds as well. She remains silent. Meanwhile, in a random desert, Regal sees these shooting stars too. He opens his mouth to say something, but is hastily shut up again*
Solez: "Who do you think you are? You don't have any lines here!"
*Yuan is seen in the hangar bay, mourning the loss of his expensive rheairds and silently vowing to have his revenge*
*and another meanwhile, in Derris-Kharlan, the disco lord himself is sitting on his throne. It's Yggdrasill, everyone! He's accompanied by his favourite cardinals; Pronyma and Rodyle. Kratos enters, wearing his judgment uniform, causing fangirls to squeal all over. Yggdrasill smirks*
Yggdrasill’s thoughts: “Can't wait until Kratos finds the cost of that uniform will be deducted from his next pay cheque.”


*after the wonderful end credits, we see the gang on the Rheairds, soaring over Tethe'alla's glorious and non-declining land*
Lloyd's thoughts: “Wait for me, Colette. I'll definitely return you to normal. ... If we actually get funded for four more episodes, that is."
*the episode ends with a shot of the Tower of Salvation, and... Oh yes... A full moon*
Meowzy: "DAMMIT! I knew it!"
Solez: "It's a conspiracy, I tells ya."



THE END
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"TEACH ME ABOUT BAZONGAS!!!"

Meowzy's Assorted (Tales) Spoofs

[Solez]

I hope you enjoy this, folks! I know that I thoroughly enjoyed working with Meowzy on this, and I am truly blessed to have her as a friend and colleague.
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Thanks to Silver Halcyon for the avatar, ~Lirael for the signature!

The Symphonia OVA Spoof

OVA Spoof on Facebook!

[berselium]

Yessss, this was an awesome way to end my day. After lurking in your spoof threads, I think I should finally come out of hiding and congratulate you for spoofing ALL four episodes and not losing your touch.

I wish I could quote my favorite parts, but I'm on my psp. D: But I loved the bush!Yuan references and Pietro. XD

Keep it up, I look forward to more when the Tethe'alla arc comes out!
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phantasiagirl->berselium

[seraph_yami]

Just....marvelous
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President of Colette Fanclub

Brawl Friend Code: 2277-6440-0269 Nickname: YAMO

[Lunatic Drache]

You two are too much XD

Loved it, as always.

I was just thinking earlier today, btw, that I thought Lloyd was a super saiyan XD

Fits of giggles throught, great job ^_^
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Sig by Valor

[KK Twain]

Aha, so Yuan was the bush! If I had to quote all my favorite parts it would mean quoting the whole thing. so instead I shall quote the part I have a question about.

[Meowzy]

[Roadie]

Hilarious as usual...and still too many funny parts to count!

PHOENIX WRIGHT REFERENCE FTW
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[KK Twain]

[Solez]

[Meowzy]

[angelic_swordien]

Great work as usual guys!!!

My favourite parts: