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Lix
Joined: 28 Jun 2008
Posts: 56
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 Posted: Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Lloyd: Oh, look! A full moon! … Again.
Forcystus: *snicker* Looks like we just got mooned.
Lloyd: Huh? What are you- … Ohhh! Hahahah! Mooned! Good one.
Forcystus: Thanks. We should use it more often. |
Good to see those moons being put to good use!
| Quote: | Raine: … Ah… But mother… Here in Tethe’alla, Sylvarant is the name of our moon.
Virginia: Yes, that’s right. You kids are going to be the first half-elves to set foot on the moon! You’re going to be astronauts! Isn’t that great? Oh, I’m so proud. |
Raine Amrstrong?
| Quote: | Zelos: Melons!
*he points to the snow-woman, which indeed has a pair of voluptuous snow melons*
Mylene: … I should have never let you read Vogue magazine. |
That... would explain it X)
| Quote: | Woman: If you two don’t leave now, I’ll shoot you!
Forcystus: I’d like to see you try!
*the woman summons a blast of magic to the palm of her hand, but Forcystus gives her a shove. The magic is fired in the direction of the garden and a loud, piercing, female scream is heard*
Forcystus: … Uhoh. |
Those to really are the root of everyone's problems aren't they?
| Quote: | *the three jump out of their hiding places*
Raine and Genis: Surprise!
Colette: Sunrise! |
Close enough I suppose Colette ^^'
| Quote: | Dirk: Ah, Lloyd, there ye are. Now that you’re sixteen, I’ve got something important to tell you.
Lloyd: What is it, dad?
Dirk: Well, you see, Lloyd… You’re adopted.
Genis: Ha-hah! You got a-dop-ted! *points* |
Genis can be so mean sometimes XD
| Quote: | *they turn to the cake, to see that a big slice is missing*
Genis: What the-
Lloyd: Okay, who cut my cake?! Come on, fess up. Which of you bastards did it?!
*everyone exchanges confused glances and shrugs*
Lloyd: This is the worst birthday ever. |
I think I know who took that thar cake...
| Quote: | *meanwhile, in the bushes, main character Lloyd is eating a big slice of cake*
Lloyd: Mmm… Bacon. |
I KNEW it! Lloyd, stop stealing from yourself!
| Quote: | Forcystus: Four-thousand years oughta do it.
Lloyd: Isn’t that a bit overkill?
Forcystus: You forget that in my mind, overkill is a good thing.
Lloyd: Ohhh, right. Okay.
*screech and flash!* |
I smell Phantasia... And allusions to a certain Idiot Seraphim fic XD
Great stuff, keep it up.
_________________
Sacred ovens. Cast your purifying heat upon these corrupt toasts! Rest in peace dinners! Judgement! |
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Cat-Alin
Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Posts: 34
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 12:17 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Zelos: Look mommy, look mommy, look! Mommy! Mommy, look at me! Mommy! Pay attention to me! Mommy! |
.. He SO reminds me of my tomcat now.
Seriously, he runs to my door when I get up in the morning, follows me around meowing all the time.
"mommy, mommy, hungry, attention, mommy, mommy!" AND he drools. XD
| Quote: | | Forcystus: You forget that in my mind, overkill is a good thing. |
It is? Is this from a spoof I haven't read?
| Quote: | | *he points to the snow-woman, which indeed has a pair of voluptuous snow melons* |
Mmmmmmmmh, Melons .... I think of Shihna and that makes me happy XD
God, I love Shihna - I wouldn't mind becoming lesbian for HER <3
Btw, BACON cake?
.. urgh .. okay, if the bacon is almost burned and crispy I can eat it .. otherwise .. no ..
| Quote: | Forcystus: *snicker* Looks like we just got mooned.
Lloyd: Huh? What are you- … Ohhh! Hahahah! Mooned! Good one. |
Horray for Puns! XD
C-A
P.S: Whatever happened to the ToS OVA Spoof?? |
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Eos
Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 568
Location: ... *blink* ...
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| Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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Sorry, I have not been able to log on due to suddenly becoming very busy. Quoting time!
| Meowzy wrote: | *Our heroes arrive near a small island in Tethe’alla. It’s nighttime*
Lloyd: Oh, look! A full moon! … Again.
Forcystus: *snicker* Looks like we just got mooned.
Lloyd: Huh? What are you- … Ohhh! Hahahah! Mooned! Good one.
Forcystus: Thanks. We should use it more often. |
*facepalm* My brother makes these kinds of jokes all of the time.
| Quote: | Lloyd: You know, they say the Otherworldly Gate always opens during a full moon, but… I’ve never seen a time when it isn’t a full moon. Does that mean the Otherworldly Gate is open every single night?
Forcystus: … That’s a very interesting question. It certainly would explain the enormous coincidence of Raine having gone there on the exact night of the full moon.
Lloyd: I know, right? We should ask her about this when we get back. |
Good question. Must be plot hole.
| Quote: | Raine: He’s a boy, mother! And how are we supposed to breathe on the moon? There’s no oxygen and-
Virginia: See, this is why the research academy wants you. You’re just too damned smart.
*she gives Raine a shove, causing both her kids to tumble into the portal*
Virginia: Forgive your foolish, ambitious mother, kids. I’m sending you to your doom to save you. Don’t you understand that? |
LOL!
| Quote: | *she spots a doll on the ground, which was dropped by Raine*
Virginia: … |
That expains the doll.
| Quote: | Forcystus: …
Lloyd: … What?
Forcystus: Looks like Raine and Genis got mooned too.
*both laugh heartily*
Lloyd: They were gonna be the very first half-elveeees iiiin spaaace!
*more laughter*
Lloyd: Heheh. Should we really be laughing at this?
Forcystus: Heck yes.
Lloyd: Oh, okay! *smile* |
This reminds me so much of my brother. I laughed really hard at this.
| Quote: | *they approach the scene. Little Zelos is building a snowman, watched over by his mother. Or, rather, Mylene is reading a magazine, not paying attention in the least*
Zelos: Look mommy, look mommy, look! Mommy! Mommy, look at me! Mommy! Pay attention to me! Mommy!
Mylene: *looks up* What?
Zelos: Melons!
*he points to the snow-woman, which indeed has a pair of voluptuous snow melons*
Mylene: … I should have never let you read Vogue magazine.
Zelos: Heeheeh! I love you, mommy! *goes back to building the snowman* |
*facedesk* Even as a little kid...
| Quote: | meanwhile, in the bushes…*
Lloyd: Wow, Zelos was kinda cute when he was a kid.
Forcystus: … Hahah! You think Zelos is cute! *points and laughs*
Lloyd: I… What? N-no, I didn’t mean it like that! I meant-
Forcystus: Lloyd and Zelos, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S- |
*insert side-splitting laughter here*
| Quote: | *the woman summons a blast of magic to the palm of her hand, but Forcystus gives her a shove. The magic is fired in the direction of the garden and a loud, piercing, female scream is heard*
Forcystus: … Uhoh.
Lloyd: T-that’s ketchup, right? Right?
Forcystus: I… I don’t think it is, Lloyd.
*a small silence follows*
Forcystus: RUN FOR IT!
*Forcystus runs off. Lloyd hastily follows, screaming like a little girl*
*of course, Lloyd and Forcystus are still running*
Lloyd: Ohcrapohcrapohcrap! We killed Zelos’ mom! We killed her!
Forcystus: Quick, we need to get our alibis straight! If anyone asks, you forced me into it!
Lloyd: Sure th- … Hey, wait a minute! You’re not pinning the blame on me, mister!
Forcystus: Tch. Fine.
Lloyd: … Wait. Why would we need to get our alibis straight anyway? According to history, Zelos’ mom was killed by Seles’ mom. That’s sorta what happened, isn’t it? Nobody knows we were there, except for Seles’ mom. But who would believe her?
Forcystus: Oh, you’re right. We didn’t do anything wrong at all. If anything, we gave history a nudge in the right direction.
Lloyd: Wow, that completely disposes of my feelings of guilt. |
 So it was all Lloyd's and Forcystus' fault...
They don't feel guilty very long, do they?
| Quote: | Lloyd: Gee, what a wonderful day. I wonder what-
*the three jump out of their hiding places*
Raine and Genis: Surprise!
Colette: Sunrise!
Lloyd: Aaaargh! Desians! *draws his swords*
Raine: No, it’s just us, Lloyd.
Lloyd: That’s what they all say. And then they accuse you of hanging out near their ranch. |
Because everyone whom jumps out from hiding places are Desians. That is the only logical explaination. 
| Quote: | Genis: Ha-hah! You got a-dop-ted! *points*
*Raine slaps him upside the head* |
*smacks Genis*
| Quote: | | Lloyd: No, seriously. I’m what? What does adopted mean? |
*sigh*
| Quote: | Lloyd: Then… I’m not a dwarf?!
*a long silence*
Raine: You’d think that’d be obvious… *facepalm*
Lloyd: Then why the hell am I still learning about those stupid, worthless Dwarven Vows?! |
*facepalms with Raine* I like the Dwarvem Vows Lloydie dear.
| Quote: | Colette: Calm down, Lloyd. Have some cake! Genis made it himself. It has bacon in it. You like bacon, right?
Lloyd: Oh, yeah. Thanks, Genis!
Genis: It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever had to bake and don’t you dare ask me to do it again. Ever. |
EWWWW!!!! I agree with Genis, that is disgusting.
| Quote: | *meanwhile, in the bushes, main character Lloyd is eating a big slice of cake*
Lloyd: Mmm… Bacon.
Forcystus: You could’ve gotten caught, you know.
Lloyd: Who cares? Genis vowed that day he’d never make bacon cake again, and he never did. So I’m savoring the moment.
Forcystus: … Can I have a bite?
Lloyd: No! Get your own damned bacon cake!
Forcystus: Greedy jerk. |
Really funny, really gross. *shudders* WHY do want a piece Forcy?
| Quote: | Forcystus: Four-thousand years oughta do it.
Lloyd: Isn’t that a bit overkill?
Forcystus: You forget that in my mind, overkill is a good thing.
Lloyd: Ohhh, right. Okay.
*screech and flash!* |
Great ending. Wonderful chapter, I am greatly anticipating the next one. You keep getting better and better, Meowzy!
_________________
  Avatar by Bunnywisk. Lion and Cardcaptor sigs by me. |
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Meowzy
Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 9586
Location: The Sacred Realm
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| Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 2:18 am Post subject: |
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| KK Twain wrote: | | So was Seles's mom planning on killing Zelos? Or was it truly an |
Well, there's no doubt she was doing something dubious in that bush. Whether she'd actually planned to kill Zelos... Who knows? >3
| KK Twain wrote: | | Why not just go a few years into the future and see what Zelos and Lloyd's kids look like? |
Hahaha, they'd have to advance a lot in genetic engineering for those two to have a kid.
| Lix wrote: | | I smell Phantasia... And allusions to a certain Idiot Seraphim fic XD |
Yes and... no.
| Cat-Alin wrote: | | P.S: Whatever happened to the ToS OVA Spoof?? |
Easy. No new OVA episodes, no new OVA spoofs. Once the Tethe'alla arc (finally) starts, Solez and I will write more spoof, though.
| Eos wrote: | | You keep getting better and better, Meowzy! |
Eheheh.... Thanks. But that leaves me with giving you all some bad news. Once I've finished this spoof, this topic is going on indefinite hiatus. I'm going to spend most of my time on that Dawn of the New World spoof I'm planning, and I'm kinda running out of ideas for general ToS spoofs anyway. Once I finish the DotNW spoof, I'll probably revive this topic again to toss the new characters and running jokes in there. But until then... Enjoy this spoof while you can. ^^'
Which reminds me... Minor spoilers for Tales of Phantasia in this chapter(though if you don't know about Dhaos, you're not a very good Tales fan).
Also, "spoilers" for Dawn of the New World. They're not real spoilers because all I did was use one chaotic scene from the game which I'm sure everyone's heard about by now (*cough*Bloody Purge*cough*), and made it even more chaotic. So it still says nothing about whether or not Lloyd is evil or what his role is in the grand scheme. I also made one random scene up. But if you're not comfortable with reading it, feel free to skip it.
~~~~~~~
Part Four
*as promised, our heroes arrive about four-thousand years in the future. It’s not exactly a pretty sight. Everything’s all dark and gloomy*
Forcystus: Oh snap, where did all the Mana go?!
*the Rheaird starts to lose altitude rapidly*
Lloyd: Boost the Rheaird! For the love of Martel and all that’s holy, boost it!
Forcystus: Alright, alright. Jeez… But I won’t be able to feed this thing my Mana for too long. Let’s find a place to land.
Lloyd: How about near that big, busted old tree over there?
Forcystus: Good enough.
*they land*
Lloyd: Wow, that’s a pretty big tree. Too bad it’s almost dead.
Forcystus: For some reason, there’s a bit of Mana seeping out of it. I wonder why that is…
Lloyd: It must be a magical tree, or something.
Forcystus: Don’t be silly. Whoever heard of a tree like that?
Lloyd: … Wait, there’s some sort of memory stirring in the back of my head. Something important.
Forcystus: You’re just making up excuses, now.
Lloyd: Fine. I’ll prove to you that it’s a magical tree!
*he walks over to it and tries to poke it*
Mysterious female voice: Thou shallt not defile the tree.
Lloyd: Ahhh! *retracts his hand* The tree spoke to me! … And her voice sounded awfully familiar.
Forcystus: Yeah, right. I’m not buying it.
Lloyd: Fine. Don’t believe me. But you’ll be sorry when-
Forcystus: Shh! Someone’s coming.
*they hide in some bushes again. A guy with long blonde hair and a huge cloak approaches the tree, looking up at it*
Dhaos: Oh, Great Kharlan tree… What have those foolish humans done? At this rate, I will never be able to save my people, and this world shall suffer the same fate.
Lloyd: *whispers to Forcystus* See, I told you it’s a magical tree.
Forcystus: Oh, shut up.
Dhaos: *places a hand against the tree* If only there was a way for me to save you. Then, surely, both worlds will be saved and I can return home a hero.
Forcystus: *whispers* I feel sorry for this guy. We should help him out.
Lloyd: We can’t interfere with history.
Forcystus: This isn’t history. It’s the future. There’s nothing wrong with saving our future.
Lloyd: … Touché.
Forcystus: *calls out to Dhaos* Listen carefully, girly blonde guy! This is your conscience speaking. If you want to save the tree, you need to get rid of what’s causing it to wither.
Dhaos: … That’s it! I’ll get rid of those filthy war-faring humans! Then, I’ll be a true hero!
Forcystus: What? No, I meant the magi-tech-
*Dhaos is not listening and runs off. A long silence follows*
Lloyd: … I hope you’re proud of yourself, Forcystus.
Forcystus: Well, look at it this way. He’s just one girly blonde. How much damage could he possibly cause, right?
Lloyd: *doubtful sound*
Forcystus: A-anyway, this future is pretty depressing. Let’s head back a bit. I want to see some future we’ll actually live to see.
Lloyd: Oh, yeah, that sounds much more interesting. Let’s see… How about a year and a half after we united the worlds?
Forcystus: That’s a weird amount of time. But, sure.
*after setting the coordinates and boosting the Rheaird, there’s a flash and a screech. Sadly, they arrive right in the middle of chaos*
Lloyd: Ahhh! Everything’s on fire! Why is everything on fire?! Where are we?! This is madness!
Forcystus: This… is… Palmacosta!
Lloyd: Oh, you’re right. So it is.
Forcystus: That’s a lot of death and destruction going on around here…
Random civilian: Hey, look! It’s Lloyd Irving! The great Lloyd has come to save us!
Lloyd: Uhoh…
Forcystus: Quick, let’s run and find a safe place to use our time machine!
Lloyd: Stop saying “time machine”!
*the Rheaird gets sucked into the Wing Pack and they run off. Soon after, they hide underneath a random bridge*
Lloyd: T-this is horrible. Who would do such a thing?!
Completely unfamiliar voice: *somewhere nearby* Give me your name, and I shall give you mine.
*Forcystus and Lloyd gasp. Then, they peek out underneath the bridge to see future!Lloyd, facing two civilians*
Lloyd: Oh, look, it’s me.
Forcystus: Eww… What happened to your voice? It sounds all… deep and wrong.
Lloyd: Maybe I went through puberty. But who cares? I’ve come to help all these innocent NPCs. Aren’t I the nicest person ever?
Forcystus: Then why are those two looking so scared?
Lloyd: Well, their village is getting burned down. Why wouldn’t they be scared?
*Future!Lloyd unsheathes two swords*
Forcystus: What… What are you doing?
Lloyd: Uhm… Maybe I’m going to lead them to safety while fending off hostile soldiers. Yeah, that’ll be it.
*Future!Lloyd hops into the air and brings his swords down to brutally murder the two civilians*
Lloyd: WHAT THE HELL?!
*Forcystus hastily covers his mouth and pulls him back under the bridge, just as future!Lloyd turns to glance in their direction*
Lloyd: W-what’s going on? Why am I killing NPCs?
Forcystus: Looks like you passed over to the dark side, man.
Lloyd: N-no! That can’t be right! There must be some sort of misunderstanding!
Forcystus: That’s not what it looked like to me.
Lloyd: But I can’t be evil! I just can’t be!
Forcystus: Calm down.
Lloyd: No, I will not calm down! This is all wrong! It’s like some sort of shameless plot twist to sell a sub-par videogame spin-off! This is- I’m not-
*he starts to hyperventilate. Forcystus hands him a paper bag to breathe into*
Forcystus: Take it easy, jeez. Come on, let’s head another six months into the future. Things will have settled down by then.
Lloyd: O-okay…
*flash and screech*
*they arrive another six months into the future, near Luin*
Forcystus: Ahhh… See, this is more like it. No flames, no needless killing… The Mana levels are off, though.
Lloyd: Who cares about that? Everything looks pretty peaceful here. Surely, if I were an evil dictator, I would’ve taken over by now.
Forcystus: Full of yourself, aren’t you?
Lloyd: I try.
*two teens and a strange black creature are passing by just below them*
Forcystus: Oh, look! People! Let’s eavesdrop.
* they land and hide behind some trees*
Marta: Ohhh Emil! You’re my prince! I adore you so much and it’s not a secret at all!
Emil: I’m sorry…
Marta: We’re going to be together forever, right?
Emil: I… Uh… *blush*
Marta: Awww, you’re so cute!
Tenebrae: Boy, I am just lovin’ being the third wheel, here. *creepy laugh*
*they disappear through some bushes*
Lloyd: Great Scott! What kind of horrible future is this?!
Forcystus: *twitching madly* Must… not… lose… my lunch.
Lloyd: Even the senseless murder and chaos were better than this!
Forcystus: Sshh, someone else is coming.
*a guy with long red hair and glasses walks by, heading in the same direction as Emil and Marta. He’s being followed by a floating cat-like creature*
Aqua: I know you want to get your hands on that core, but are you sure we should be following those two so obsessively?
Richter: Yes. We will not sleep, we will not eat and we will not have bathroom breaks until I reach my objective. We mustn’t let Emil out of our sight for a second.
Aqua: Don’t you mean Marta?
Richter: … That’s what I said.
Aqua: Oh. … Whatever you say, Richter!~
*they disappear through the bushes as well*
Forcystus: Was that Kratos, just now?
Lloyd: Nah. Obviously just a Kratos wannabe.
Forcystus: I didn’t think your old man had fans.
Lloyd: Not male fans, anyway.
Forcystus: Let’s pray to Martel he’s got more character than just being a Kratos replacement.
Lloyd: Dude, you know Martel’s not a real goddess.
Forcystus: Oh, sorry. Force of habit.
Lloyd: If only she hadn’t died. Then the world wouldn’t have become such a cruel place.
*a small silence follows*
Forcystus: … Wait. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Lloyd: Gee, I think so. But where are we going to find rubber pants at this time?
Forcystus: What?
Lloyd: Oh, I guess I wasn’t thinking what you were thinking.
Forcystus: I don’t even want to know what you were thinking.
Lloyd: Then what were you thinking?
Forcystus: If we go back in time and prevent Martel’s death, Mithos won’t go insane and the world wouldn’t have been screwed over.
Lloyd: Oh… I don’t know… There’s no telling how that will affect the future.
Forcystus: Of course there is. It’ll improve the future! No phony religions, no Chosen cycle…
Lloyd: Hey, you’re right! No life would be born for the sole purpose of dying! We’ll be welcomed back to our time as even bigger heroes than before! It’s a flawless plan!
Forcystus: Then, let’s do it! Let’s save the world, in the past!
Lloyd: Hurray!
*they hop onto the Rheaird, set the coordinates to ‘Doomsday’ and disappear*
*indeed, the day proves to be awfully ‘doomy’. While the Mana levels have improved thanks to the splitting of the worlds, the land is still pretty dead. Thunder clouds darken their surroundings*
Lloyd: Ohh, it’s just like in that flashback Mithos showed me, during the Derris-Emblem event. Looks like we arrived right on time. … Geddit? Time
Forcystus: Oh, be quiet and keep an eye out for the Kharlan Heroes.
Lloyd: … I’ll bet you’d have thought it was funny if it involved the words “close shave”.
Forcystus: *stifles his laughter* Heheh. Close shave. Yeahhh, that’s so true.
Lloyd: *rolls his eyes*
Forcystus: Oh, look, I think I see them!
*indeed, four people are walking across a clearing*
Lloyd: They’re like sitting ducks out there! No wonder some random human managed to murder Martel! Anyone can just shoot her with a crossbow or something.
Forcystus: Speaking of crossbows…
*he points to some bushes, where a guy is sitting, aiming a crossbow at the Kharlan group*
Lloyd: Oh snap! Quick, we have to stop him!
Forcystus: Lloyd, take the wheel! I’ll shoot him so he won’t be able to kill anyone!
Lloyd: W-what?!
*Forcystus lets go of the wheel and starts charging his cannon. Lloyd squeaks in fear and tries to struggle his way past him to get to the wheel. He manages to do so with a lot of trouble*
Lloyd: Think before you act, idiot! How am I supposed to take the wheel with a big lug like you in the way?!
Forcystus: Don’t call me an idiot, idiot. You’re the one who can’t follow a simple order and- Oh, forget it. We don’t have time for this.
*he finishes charging his cannon and shoots the assassin. Sadly, the crossbow is fired anyway and the arrow is sent whizzing into the Kharlan group’s general direction*
Yuan’s voice: AHHHH! MY FOOT!
*Mithos is heard laughing insanely*
Forcystus: Another job well done. Let’s head back to the future and brag about the heroic things we did.
Lloyd: Not to mention the fact that we’ll have to face Yuan’s wrath for stealing his new invention.
Forcystus: Meh, he can never stay mad at me for too long. I think it’s because of his feelings of guilt.
Lloyd: Isn’t that all going to change when we get back to the future?
Forcystus: Huh. … Only one way to find out.
*with a flash and a screech, they arrive back in their own time. But, what’s this? They’re in the middle of Triet desert*
Lloyd: … Where did the Renegade base go?
Forcystus: No Cruxis, no Renegades. I guess there just wasn’t a need for them.
Lloyd: Oh. Well, I guess that’s good.
*Forcystus’ cannon arm is suddenly replaced with his original arm, and his eyepatch vanishes. A long silence follows*
Forcystus: Oh my goddess! I still have all my limbs! And… And two eyes! I have depth-perception now! This is so awesome!
Lloyd: Guess you didn’t get maimed in your new past.
Forcystus: Ho ho, look at me. I’m ambidextrous. *flexes both his arms*
*the Rheaird fades away into nothingness, leaving nothing but the plot device behind*
Lloyd: AH! Where’d our time machine go?!
Forcystus: That’s… strange. I guess in this new present, the old man didn’t feel like building one. So it was erased from existence.
*he picks up the plot device with his left arm and pockets it*
Forcystus: Oh man, this is sweet. Now I can unwrap stuff! And eat hamburgers properly! The possibilities are endless!
Lloyd: One might even say that it’s… handy!
*both laugh*
Forcystus: Oh, oh, I got another one! Ahem. In this alternate time, I’m well armed!
*they laugh even louder*
Lloyd: Heheh. Okay, now stop showing off your new arm and pay attention to our situation. We have to walk home now, seeing as we have no Rheaird.
Forcystus: If only Noishe were here.
Lloyd: Who?
Forcystus: That fluffy transportation device of yours. … Oh, nevermind.
*they set off towards Iselia on foot. Once the village comes into view, they receive quite a shock. It’s been turned into a themepark*
Lloyd: W-what the-
Forcystus: That is so awesome! I love themeparks!
Lloyd: But I thought Iselia is the village of the Oracle. Why would they…
Forcystus: Again, no Cruxis. There are no more Oracles. And anyway, why are you complaining? You’re acting like having a themepark village is a bad thing.
Lloyd: True. … Oh, look, it’s a full moon. Something important must be happening.
Forcystus: Hah. Hahah. We got mooned.
*both burst into a fit of giggles*
Lloyd: Ahh… This one’s gonna be a classic. I can tell.
Forcystus: Quick, high-five.
*they high-five, Forcystus using his left hand on purpose*
Forcystus: Niiice.
*they get an even nastier shock as they enter the village*
Lloyd: I… I think I’m going to faint. Catch me.
*Lloyd keels over backwards, but Forcystus just lets him fall, too stunned to react*
Forcystus: This… This is… What in the name of Martel all that’s holy is going on?
*yes, it’s quite the sight to behold. All the villagers are walking around in tight ‘sport bras’ and baggy green pants, with matching thick shackles. Some of them are pushing big blocks around, others are building more themepark rides. Desians are walking around, cracking whips at them and a big statue of Regal Bryant is standing in the middle of it all*
Lloyd: *crawls back to his feet* I think I just died a little inside.
Forcystus: How could this happen? What’s going on?!
Lloyd: You don’t think it’s because of anything we did, is it?
Forcystus: Nahhh. How could that be? We behaved like perfect gentlemen in the past.
Lloyd: It’s gotta be something we did!
*Genis comes walking past them, also wearing the Regal outfit. He gives Lloyd and Forcystus a shocked stare*
Genis: What are you doing? What happened to your clothes?
Lloyd: What about it?
Genis: Where are your shackles?! And then that red shirt… If the Desians see you wearing it, you’ll be punished for undermining President Regal’s authority!
Lloyd: President Regal?!
Forcystus: Looks like we need more info.
*he grabs Genis by the scruff of his neck with his left arm and carries him back into the forest. Lloyd follows, still completely dumbstruck*
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"TEACH ME ABOUT BAZONGAS!!!"
Meowzy's Assorted (Tales) Spoofs |
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Gamestop
Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 1447
Location: I love you
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| Posted: Sun Oct 26, 2008 5:35 am Post subject: |
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ilu Meowzy <3
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by Sir Shrek
sexy avy by Pictomaster Murasaki. |
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UK_Underworld_King
Joined: 04 Apr 2008
Posts: 129
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 5:23 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Forcystus: *calls out to Dhaos* Listen carefully, girly blonde guy! This is your conscience speaking. If you want to save the tree, you need to get rid of what’s causing it to wither.
Dhaos: … That’s it! I’ll get rid of those filthy war-faring humans! Then, I’ll be a true hero!
Forcystus: What? No, I meant the magi-tech-
*Dhaos is not listening and runs off. A long silence follows* |
Good think they're too much idiots to realize their mistakes, cause if all the disasters that happened were they're fault then they would have a guilt complex worse then Kratos'.
| Quote: | Forcystus: Well, look at it this way. He’s just one girly blonde. How much damage could he possibly cause, right?
Lloyd: *doubtful sound* |
One word: Mithos!
| Quote: | Forcystus: … Wait. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Lloyd: Gee, I think so. But where are we going to find rubber pants at this time?
Forcystus: What?
Lloyd: Oh, I guess I wasn’t thinking what you were thinking.
Forcystus: I don’t even want to know what you were thinking. |
Hum... what just was he thinking then?
| Quote: | Genis: Where are your shackles?! And then that red shirt… If the Desians see you wearing it, you’ll be punished for undermining President Regal’s authority!
Lloyd: President Regal?! |
Hahahaha! I knew someday Regal would take his revenge for being forgetten and ignored so oftenly!
Now this also reminds me some of other movies that showed the future of the hearth, like Monkey's Planet. Can't wait to see what will happen!
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-- Waiting to Niflheim opens -- |
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Cat-Alin
Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Posts: 34
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Mon Oct 27, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | Forcystus: … Wait. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Lloyd: Gee, I think so. But where are we going to find rubber pants at this time?
Forcystus: What?
Lloyd: Oh, I guess I wasn’t thinking what you were thinking.
Forcystus: I don’t even want to know what you were thinking.
Lloyd: Then what were you thinking? |
Well, balancing a family and a career?? Urgh, too much for me .. Oo
Btw, I meant like Episode 2 and so.
Up to now, all I found was Episode 1.
Please, no more puns! Q_Q There's too stupid that they're super funny and I laugh out loud and it's 1 AM where I am now, reading this. XD
Yay, Daos! ^^
Btw, never played Ratatosk no Kishi, never heard theEnglish voice they used for Lloyd there, so I can't comment on it XD If Konishi used his Toya voice for RnK then I'm happy ^^
Although I don't like RnK ..
| Quote: | Forcystus: This isn’t history. It’s the future. There’s nothing wrong with saving our future.
Lloyd: … Touché. |
Right. That's totally logical ^^
| Quote: | Forcystus: Eww… What happened to your voice? It sounds all… deep and wrong.
Lloyd: Maybe I went through puberty. |
Yeah, puberty finally starts at the age of .. 19? XD
| Quote: | Forcystus: Was that Kratos, just now?
Lloyd: Nah. Obviously just a Kratos wannabe.
Forcystus: I didn’t think your old man had fans.
Lloyd: Not male fans, anyway. |
You know, there ARE female Kratos Cosplayers XD (I'm not one of them though)
| Quote: | | Yuan’s voice: AHHHH! MY FOOT! |
I bet it went right through the little toe, I bet! ><
| Quote: | Lloyd: One might even say that it’s… handy!
*both laugh*
Forcystus: Oh, oh, I got another one! Ahem. In this alternate time, I’m well armed!
*they laugh even louder* |
Nooo, mustn't .. LOL ..
| Quote: | Lloyd: I… I think I’m going to faint. Catch me.
*Lloyd keels over backwards, but Forcystus just lets him fall, too stunned to react* |
*imagines Lloyd swooing and falling like those ladies in the olden times*
.. Fheh ..
| Quote: | | Lloyd: It’s gotta be something we did! |
Yes, EVERYTHING is Your fault!
Just like Remiel is everyone's father ..
C-A |
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Eos
Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 568
Location: ... *blink* ...
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| Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject: |
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As long as you don't leave us spoofless, your fine. *gives the wonderchef's fork back to him*
| Quote: | Forcystus: *calls out to Dhaos* Listen carefully, girly blonde guy! This is your conscience speaking. If you want to save the tree, you need to get rid of what’s causing it to wither.
Dhaos: … That’s it! I’ll get rid of those filthy war-faring humans! Then, I’ll be a true hero!
Forcystus: What? No, I meant the magi-tech-
*Dhaos is not listening and runs off. A long silence follows*
Lloyd: … I hope you’re proud of yourself, Forcystus.
Forcystus: Well, look at it this way. He’s just one girly blonde. How much damage could he possibly cause, right?
Lloyd: *doubtful sound* |
*facepalm* Good going.
| Quote: | Lloyd: T-this is horrible. Who would do such a thing?!
Completely unfamiliar voice: *somewhere nearby* Give me your name, and I shall give you mine.
*Forcystus and Lloyd gasp. Then, they peek out underneath the bridge to see future!Lloyd, facing two civilians*
Lloyd: Oh, look, it’s me.
Forcystus: Eww… What happened to your voice? It sounds all… deep and wrong.
Lloyd: Maybe I went through puberty. But who cares? I’ve come to help all these innocent NPCs. Aren’t I the nicest person ever? |
1. I agree with Forcystus.
2. Puberty. Yes, let us go with that.
3.*pokes next post*
| Quote: | *Future!Lloyd hops into the air and brings his swords down to brutally murder the two civilians*
Lloyd: WHAT THE HELL?!
*Forcystus hastily covers his mouth and pulls him back under the bridge, just as future!Lloyd turns to glance in their direction*
Lloyd: W-what’s going on? Why am I killing NPCs?
Forcystus: Looks like you passed over to the dark side, man.
Lloyd: N-no! That can’t be right! There must be some sort of misunderstanding!
Forcystus: That’s not what it looked like to me.
Lloyd: But I can’t be evil! I just can’t be!
Forcystus: Calm down.
Lloyd: No, I will not calm down! This is all wrong! It’s like some sort of shameless plot twist to sell a sub-par videogame spin-off! This is- I’m not-
*he starts to hyperventilate. Forcystus hands him a paper bag to breathe into* |
1.*Pokes prior post* Yup, such a nice guy.
2. LMAO Very funny. 
| Quote: | Marta: Ohhh Emil! You’re my prince! I adore you so much and it’s not a secret at all!
Emil: I’m sorry…
Marta: We’re going to be together forever, right?
Emil: I… Uh… *blush*
Marta: Awww, you’re so cute!
Tenebrae: Boy, I am just lovin’ being the third wheel, here. *creepy laugh*
*they disappear through some bushes*
Lloyd: Great Scott! What kind of horrible future is this?!
Forcystus: *twitching madly* Must… not… lose… my lunch. |
 Ewww. *vomit*
| Quote: | | Lloyd: Even the senseless murder and chaos were better than this! |
Agreed...
| Quote: | *a guy with long red hair and glasses walks by, heading in the same direction as Emil and Marta. He’s being followed by a floating cat-like creature*
Aqua: I know you want to get your hands on that core, but are you sure we should be following those two so obsessively?
Richter: Yes. We will not sleep, we will not eat and we will not have bathroom breaks until I reach my objective. We mustn’t let Emil out of our sight for a second.
Aqua: Don’t you mean Marta?
Richter: … That’s what I said. |
EVIL STALKER!!! EVIL STALKER!!!!
| Quote: | Forcystus: Was that Kratos, just now?
Lloyd: Nah. Obviously just a Kratos wannabe.
Forcystus: I didn’t think your old man had fans.
Lloyd: Not male fans, anyway.
Forcystus: Let’s pray to Martel he’s got more character than just being a Kratos replacement. |
*starts praying*
| Quote: | Forcystus: … Wait. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Lloyd: Gee, I think so. But where are we going to find rubber pants at this time?
Forcystus: What?
Lloyd: Oh, I guess I wasn’t thinking what you were thinking.
Forcystus: I don’t even want to know what you were thinking.
Lloyd: Then what were you thinking? |
R-rubber pants!? Do I even want to ask!?
| Quote: | Yuan’s voice: AHHHH! MY FOOT!
*Mithos is heard laughing insanely* |
*is laughing* Mithos has one sick sense of humor!
| Quote: | Forcystus: Oh man, this is sweet. Now I can unwrap stuff! And eat hamburgers properly! The possibilities are endless!
Lloyd: One might even say that it’s… handy!
*both laugh*
Forcystus: Oh, oh, I got another one! Ahem. In this alternate time, I’m well armed!
*they laugh even louder*
Lloyd: Heheh. Okay, now stop showing off your new arm and pay attention to our situation. We have to walk home now, seeing as we have no Rheaird.
Forcystus: If only Noishe were here.
Lloyd: Who?
Forcystus: That fluffy transportation device of yours. … Oh, nevermind. |
1. Enjoying normality much Forcystus?
2. I am so calling Noishe a "fluffy transportation device" from now on. Lol.
| Quote: | Forcystus: Hah. Hahah. We got mooned.
*both burst into a fit of giggles*
Lloyd: Ahh… This one’s gonna be a classic. I can tell.
Forcystus: Quick, high-five.
*they high-five, Forcystus using his left hand on purpose*
Forcystus: Niiice. |
He is going to very upset when everything is righted and he loses his eye and arm again, poor guy.
| Quote: | *they get an even nastier shock as they enter the village*
Lloyd: I… I think I’m going to faint. Catch me.
*Lloyd keels over backwards, but Forcystus just lets him fall, too stunned to react*
Forcystus: This… This is… What in the name of Martel all that’s holy is going on?
*yes, it’s quite the sight to behold. All the villagers are walking around in tight ‘sport bras’ and baggy green pants, with matching thick shackles. Some of them are pushing big blocks around, others are building more themepark rides. Desians are walking around, cracking whips at them and a big statue of Regal Bryant is standing in the middle of it all*
Lloyd: *crawls back to his feet* I think I just died a little inside. |
Me too Lloyd, me too...
| Quote: | Forcystus: How could this happen? What’s going on?!
Lloyd: You don’t think it’s because of anything we did, is it?
Forcystus: Nahhh. How could that be? We behaved like perfect gentlemen in the past.
Lloyd: It’s gotta be something we did!
*Genis comes walking past them, also wearing the Regal outfit. He gives Lloyd and Forcystus a shocked stare*
Genis: What are you doing? What happened to your clothes?
Lloyd: What about it?
Genis: Where are your shackles?! And then that red shirt… If the Desians see you wearing it, you’ll be punished for undermining President Regal’s authority!
Lloyd: President Regal?!
Forcystus: Looks like we need more info.
*he grabs Genis by the scruff of his neck with his left arm and carries him back into the forest. Lloyd follows, still completely dumbstruck* |
This is indeed a horrible future. Ruled by REGAL!? *shudder*
This has to be the best chapter ever. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe and my side hurt so bad! I cannot remember the last time I laughed that hard! Wonderfully amazing work Meowzy!
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Avatar by Bunnywisk. Lion and Cardcaptor sigs by me. |
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Cat-Alin
Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Posts: 34
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 12:33 pm Post subject: |
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Ok, I went back several pages for SS and then I got to Lloydules ..
Anyway, THIS is the best thing I read from you, so far:
| Quote: | Lloyd: Oh, I'm really sorry miss-
Zelos: I told you, I'm not a miss!
Lloyd: But... You're a guy?
Zelos: Last time I checked, yes.
Lloyd: Could you maybe... Check again?
Zelos: *looks into his pants* ... Yeah, still a guy.
Lloyd: Weird... |
That just made my organs explode.
I didn't want to Laugh out Loud in the middle of the night.
C-A
P.S: Sorry for offtopic ^^"
Oh and that official pairings thing .. was BORING. Btw, do you support ANY Hetero Pairing? (personally, I love Shihloyd) |
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Cannoli
Joined: 28 Feb 2006
Posts: 829
Location: Victor.Echo.November.
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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I love Lloyd and Forcystus's jokes
My favorite parts:::
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Tenebrae: Boy, I am just lovin’ being the third wheel, here. *creepy laugh*
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Lloyd: Gee, I think so. But where are we going to find rubber pants at this time? |
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Forcystus: *stifles his laughter* Heheh. Close shave. Yeahhh, that’s so true. |
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Forcystus: Oh man, this is sweet. Now I can unwrap stuff! And eat hamburgers properly! The possibilities are endless!
Lloyd: One might even say that it’s… handy!
*both laugh*
Forcystus: Oh, oh, I got another one! Ahem. In this alternate time, I’m well armed!
*they laugh even louder* |
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Meowzy
Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 9586
Location: The Sacred Realm
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| Posted: Sat Nov 01, 2008 11:56 pm Post subject: |
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| UK_Underworld_King wrote: | | Now this also reminds me some of other movies that showed the future of the hearth, like Monkey's Planet. |
I based it on a lot of stuff, actually. Back to the Future, Day of the Tentacle... Several Simpsons episodes have concepts like this, I think...
| Cat-Alin wrote: | Btw, I meant like Episode 2 and so.
Up to now, all I found was Episode 1. |
Ohhhhh. Uhm... Episode 4 can be found here; http://tales.namco.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=66343 , and it has links to the other three episodes right at the start of the post. ^^
| Cat-Alin wrote: | | Oh and that official pairings thing .. was BORING. Btw, do you support ANY Hetero Pairing? (personally, I love Shihloyd) |
Forcystus/Pronyma, Rodyle/Undine, Remiel/Muriel... Oh, wait, you mean official het pairings? ....... Alice/Decus.
So, here it is. The last spoof chapter for a while. Expect the Dawn of the New World spoof to start somewhere end November. I want to give people time to play the game. And if you're one of the unlucky ones who's getting the game for Christmas and doesn't want to be spoiled... Just avoid the spoof. XD
~~~~~~~~
Part Five
Forcystus: Okay kid, there’s not much time to explain, but… We’re not the Lloyd and Forcystus you remember. We used a time machine to change the past and now we messed up the present.
Genis: What are you talking about? I don’t remember you guys at all. Are you- … Wait. Did you say Forcystus? Yuan’s kid?
Forcystus: Yeah.
Genis: I thought you were sent to juvenile delinquent hall.
Forcystus: …
Lloyd: Look, he’s right about the time machine thing. We need to know what’s going on in this world, pronto.
Genis: Is this some sort of plot to con me out of my money?
Lloyd: Start explaining. *holds a fist in front of Genis’ face*
Genis: O-okay, okay! Sheesh. Uhm… Well, the world is being ruled by President Regal Bryant and the Desians. We have to build themeparks in his honor. His wife’s older sister, Presea Combatir, is in charge of the Sylvarant region. And let me tell you, she is one mean dictator.
Lloyd: But… I don’t get it. What happened to the Four Seraphim?
Genis: The whatnow?
Lloyd: You know! Dad- I mean… Kratos Aurion and Mithos the Hero… And Yuan. Martel too, I suppose.
Genis: You mean the four Kharlan Hobos? Tch. They hardly bothered to stop Regal’s charge for power.
Lloyd: What do you mean?
Genis: Well, Kratos was too busy hanging out with his wife and kid to take action. She’s got him whipped good, you know. I don’t know what happened to the other three…
Forcystus: Great Scott!
Lloyd: I know… My mom’s still alive here.
Forcystus: Lloyd, have you been paying attention at all?!
Lloyd: You should know me better than that.
Forcystus: Touché.
Genis: Will you guys let me get back to work, now? I need to keep lugging heavy boulders around, or the Desians will attack me with boring monologues. It’s always “ominous light” this and “epitome of sin” that…
*Genis walks off, grumbling. Lloyd crawls back to his feet*
Lloyd: … I don’t like this new present…
Forcystus: So, what now?
Lloyd: Let’s go find my dad. We’ve gotta find out more about this time and why the Four Seraphim weren’t watching over the world like they were supposed to.
Forcystus: I guess… Any idea where we should look?
Lloyd: Well, he did say we used to live in Luin. Let’s check that place out.
Forcystus: … How are we supposed to get there?
Lloyd: Uh… Oh! Still got that plot device?
Forcystus: Sure do! Maaan, this is the best invention in spoof history.
*and so, through the power of the almighty plot device, they soon arrive in Luin. While this place hasn’t been turned into a themepark, all the citizens are still walking around in Regal outfits*
Forcystus That was awesome.
Lloyd: You know, now that I stop to think about it, we could’ve just used a Quick Jump too.
Forcystus: … Well, it comes down to the same thing, really. Now let’s go find Kratos.
Lloyd: Think it’s that cozy house over there with the neat front yard and the mailbox that says “Aurion”?
Forcystus: Well, if it’s not we can always ask them for directions.
Lloyd: Sounds good.
*they walk up to the front door and ring the doorbell. Soon after, Kratos opens the door and both gasp. Aside from the Regal outfit, he’s wearing a frilly pink apron and a pleasant smile*
Forcystus: Great Scott!
Lloyd: This is heavy…
Kratos: Lloyd, back so soon? I thought you were going to play hopscotch with your friends.
Lloyd: What’s hopscotch?
Forcystus: *shrug*
Kratos: *squint* Forcystus, is that you? They finally let you out of juvenile delinquent hall?
Forcystus: Why does everyone keep saying stuff like this?
Kratos: Well, don’t just stand there, boys. Come in. I baked cookies.
*they exchange horrified glances, before stepping inside and sitting down at the kitchen table. Kratos hands them a plate of cookies*
Forcystus: Oh boy, butterscotch. *takes one*
Lloyd: Uhm… So, where’s mom?
Kratos: Out doing her job. Where else? Boy, lumberjacks sure do live busy lives.
*another horrified glance exchange*
Lloyd: Listen, dad. Funny story. You see, we’re uh… We’re not really Lloyd and Forcystus. Well, okay, maybe we are. But not the Lloyd and Forcystus you remember. See, we were going around creating paradoinks with Yuan’s time machine and now we somehow messed up the present.
Forcystus: It’s like in that one movie, with the car and the time traveling. Only it’s not a car.
Kratos: … *blink*
Lloyd: What the- You’re not even giving us your trademark blank stare anymore?
Forcystus: This is blasphemy.
Kratos: You boys and your wild imagination.
Lloyd: Dad, we’re telling the truth! Why else do you think we’re the only ones not wearing Regal clothes?
Kratos: I assumed it was because of your rebellious attitude.
Lloyd: No, no. We’re from an alternate timeline, or something.
Forcystus: So here’s a fun question. How come you’ve become a… uhm… housewife who stood back and let Regal take over the world? What happened to the four great Kharlan Heroes, huh?
Kratos: That was a long time ago. We’ve all gone our separate ways.
Lloyd: You’d think some ogre trying to take over the world would call for a reunion.
Kratos: Well, Martel told everyone that if they wanted to contact her, it needed to happen through her agent. That’d be Yuan. They both think they’re so high-and-mighty ever since Martel became a photo model. Mithos was stuck in rehab. As for me, I had a family to support.
Lloyd: You’re a weakling, dad.
Kratos: Say what you will. In the meantime, why not have some more cookies?
*he smiles and holds out a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, which is eagerly accepted*
Forcystus: Well, now we know how Regal managed his world domination so easily.
Lloyd: So what about our love lives?
Kratos: You really want to know something like that?
Both: Heck yes!
Kratos: Well, Lloyd, you’re getting married to Chocolat a few months from now.
Lloyd: … Forcystus, catch me. I’m going to faint again.
*Lloyd keels over, off his chair, but Forcystus just lets him fall because he’s too busy laughing*
Forcystus: Hahahah! Married to Chocolat! Tough luck, kid.
Kratos: Forcystus, I’ve heard you’re dating your juvenile delinquent hall cellmate. I think his name’s Abyssion, or something like that.
*Forcystus falls to his knees, raising his arms to the sky dramatically*
Forcystus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
* Lloyd crawls back to his feet*
Lloyd: This is insane.
Forcystus: *wide eyed stare*
Lloyd: … Forcystus?
Forcystus: …
Lloyd: *slaps him across the face* Pull yourself together, man!
Forcystus: Ow… We need to undo this! Having a left arm is great and all, but I don’t wanna date Abyssion!
Lloyd: Hey, how do you think I feel? Can you imagine me married to Chocolat?
*both shudder*
Kratos: Aw, but you two make such a cute couple. And the invitations sent out to everyone were just darling.
Lloyd: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but… Shut up, dad.
Kratos: … *pout*
Lloyd: This must’ve happened because we stopped Martel’s death. The Four Seraphim weren’t watching over the world because Cruxis didn’t exist!
Forcystus: So we need to go back and cause her death?
Lloyd: We’re going out to find Yuan. He needs to build us a new time machine so we can get the world back to normal.
*both get to their feet and head out the door*
Kratos: Such good boys…
*Lloyd pokes his head back in*
Lloyd: Uhm… Where can we find Yuan?
Kratos: His seaside mansion in Altamira.
Lloyd: Oh. Cool.
*once again, thanks to the power of the plot device, they soon arrive outside a big mansion in Altamira*
Forcystus: This is where I live? Wooow…
Lloyd: Don’t make yourself too comfortable. We’re only here until we can set the timeline back to normal.
Forcystus: Aww… Okay.
*they walk up to the front door, where a bodyguard is standing*
Botta: State your name and business, please.
Lloyd: Figures we’d find Botta here.
Forcystus: Oh, yeah. He’s destined to be Yuan’s sidekick ‘till the day he dies.
Botta: Master Forcystus! They finally let you out of juvenile delinquent hall?
Forcystus: I am so sick of hearing about this.
Botta: You want a meeting with your parents, right? I’ll see if I can pull some strings.
*Botta takes out a cellphone and starts a conversation with someone*
Forcystus: ... I can’t believe I have to get people to pull strings just so we can get to the old man.
Lloyd: No wonder you grew up to be a delinquent in this timeline too.
Forcystus: Oh, shaddup. At least my dad isn’t the wife.
Lloyd: Ouch.
*Botta pockets the cellphone again*
Botta: You have five minutes.
Forcystus: Oh, nice.
*they enter the house*
Botta: Wow, he didn’t beat me up this time.
*Forcystus pokes his head outside again*
Forcystus: Uhm… Where can we find the old man?
Botta: His office. It’s up the stairs, and to the left.
Forcystus: Oh. Nice.
*they enter the office to find Yuan there. He’s wearing a neat black tuxedo and sunglasses, and is apparently making an important phonecall*
Yuan: Look, I wouldn’t care if he offers us a million. Martel’s not going on the cover without that sponsored fur coat.
Both: …
Yuan: Fine. Let us know if you ever decide to save your magazine from bankruptcy.
*he pockets his cellphone and turns to face them*
Yuan: Yes?
Forcystus: Uhm. Hi. It’s me.
Yuan: …
Forcystus: Your kid.
Yuan: So?
Forcystus: You’re not happy to see me, or something?
Yuan: I’m wondering why you were given your freedom so easily.
Forcystus: You bastard! You don’t care at all, do you?
Yuan: I don’t have time for this…
Forcystus: God, it’s always been like this! You never listen to a word I say!
Yuan: You burned down an orphanage!
Forcystus: I was only doing it to get your attention!
*Lloyd slaps him upside the head*
Lloyd: Don’t let this alternate universe suck you in, idiot.
Forcystus: Oh, sorry.
Yuan: What do you want? I’m a busy man.
Forcystus: We need you to build us a time machine.
*a long silence follows*
Yuan: You’re wasting my time with a bad joke?
Forcystus: It’s not a joke! We need a time machine and we need it now!
Lloyd: The fate of the world depends on it!
Yuan: Uhuh.
Lloyd: Listen, Yuan. We know you can do it. You have an interest in time traveling, right? I mean, we accidentally caused it ourselves four-thousand years ago.
Forcystus: Good times. Good times.
Yuan: Four-thousand years ago…
Lloyd: Yeah, remember? Two people from Sylvarant and this weird cross between a scooter and an airplane? Disappeared with a flash of light and a screech of tires?
Yuan: That was you?
Lloyd: Yes!
Forcystus: Now give us that time machine!
Yuan: *takes off his sunglasses* I haven’t looked into time traveling for hundreds of years. I should still have my old notes somewhere, though.
Forcystus: You’re our only hope! Find those notes and get to work!
Yuan: The chances that I’ll actually succeed in building this thing are close to zero.
Lloyd: Forcystus, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Forcystus: I sure am!
*and so, with the aid of the plot device, a time travel Rheaird is created within a week*
Yuan: There you go, boys. Now stop pestering me about it.
Forcystus: Thanks, old man! You’re not so bad.
Yuan: … Whatever. *walks off*
Lloyd: Okay, now we just need to think for a moment. How will we set things right again?
Forcystus: Isn’t it obvious? We go back a minute further than last time, find ourselves and warn them about what will happen if they stop the assassin from killing Martel.
Lloyd: Great idea! … Oh, wait, no. We can’t meet ourselves or we’ll rip the cloth.
Forcystus: Then what else are we supposed to do?
Lloyd: We’ll just have to kill Martel ourselves.
Forcystus: Dude, that’s not cool. She’s my mom. Or, at least, I think she is. This whole spoof universe makes no sense.
Lloyd: Doesn’t matter. You just stay in the bushes and I’ll run out there to stab her brutally.
Forcystus: Oh, yeah, that’s much better.
Lloyd: Then, let’s get g-
Forcystus: Wait. This might be the last time I have a left arm. Can I just… have some alone time with it?
Lloyd: NO! Now get on the damned Rheaird and help me correct the timeline.
Forcystus: Aww…
*flash and screech*
*yup, we find our heroes in some bushes, watching the Kharlan Heroes walk across a clearing*
Lloyd: Okay, so the assassin is hiding over there. *points*
Forcystus: And we’re up there, on the Rheaird, see?
Lloyd: Oh, this is neat. Now we have front-row seats for the whole thing.
*there’s a flash of light and a loud scream from the assassin. Then, an arrow shoots towards the Kharlan group. Yuan gets hit and falls over*
Yuan: AHHHH! MY FOOT!
*Mithos starts laughing insanely while Kratos and Martel crowd around Yuan. Lloyd hastily puts on a pair of glasses*
Lloyd: Okay, this is it. I’m going in.
Forcystus: Break a leg, kid.
*Lloyd hops to his feet, unsheathes two swords and charges towards Martel. The other three are helpless to save her as Lloyd does indeed murder her. Brutally*
Lloyd: I did it! I saved the world from Regal! Uhm… I mean… Hahah! Now the world’s Mana supply is mine! … Or something.
*Mithos kneels down next to his sister and Yuan pushes himself to his feet again*
Mithos: M-Martel… How could you?
Yuan: Human! Your kind must not be allowed to live. *charges a ball of lightning*
Kratos: How far are you willing to go to take control of the Mana? *unsheathes his sword*
Mithos: I'll never forgive you. You humans are all the same!
Lloyd: Oh wow. It’s just like in Mithos’ flashback again. And this time, it really is me.
Yuan: Get him!
*the three dash towards Lloyd, who screams like a girl and runs back to the bushes*
Lloyd: Forcystus! Charge up the Rheaird! We’ve gotta get back to the future! GO GO GO!
Forcystus: Sure thing! Hop on!
*Lloyd hops onto the back of the Rheaird, just before it disappears*
*they arrive in Triet base, exactly one minute after they started their time traveling*
Lloyd: T-that was the freakiest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Forcystus: But did it work?
Lloyd: Good question.
*Forcystus’ left arm turns into a cannon again, and his eyepatch reappears*
Forcystus: … Awww fish paste.
Lloyd: Another question answered. But this place is awfully abandoned. Where’d everyone go?
*they leave the secret lab and head for the cafeteria, where the entire gang is sitting, ready to eat lunch*
Kratos: Lloyd, back so soon? I thought you were going to exploit that time machine to the fullest.
Yuan: Yeah. You’ve only been gone for about a minute.
Lloyd: Just as planned.
Forcystus: Quick, guys, tell me this world isn’t ruled by Regal!
*the gang exchanges glances*
Sheena: Who’s Regal?
Forcystus: Oh, thank Martel. Everything’s back to normal.
Lloyd: You guys wouldn’t believe the horrible things we’ve seen. … And Zelos? We’re really, really sorry about your mom.
Zelos: Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?
Lloyd: Nothing, nothing…
Forcystus: *hacking cough*
Kratos: Sit down. We just ordered sandwiches.
Forcystus: Niiice.
*they sit down across from Genis and Raine. Suddenly, they both start giggling*
Raine: What’s so funny?
Lloyd: Hahah. You and Genis got mooned.
*they burst out in laughter and highfive*
The End!
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"TEACH ME ABOUT BAZONGAS!!!"
Meowzy's Assorted (Tales) Spoofs |
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Cat-Alin
Joined: 16 Aug 2007
Posts: 34
Location: Germany
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Forcystus: Wait. This might be the last time I have a left arm. Can I just… have some alone time with it? |
.. disgusting Mental Images approaching ..
Thanks for the link to the episodes (I always wondered why the others never showed up ....)
Although, maybe I shouldn't read 3 spoof stories at once AND listen to the Sailor Song .. too much overload of comedy ..
Btw, I have a question.
If Martel wasn't killed, Mithos and the others had No reason to use Cruxis Crystals and Aionis to gain immortal life.
So, actually, Kratos, Mithos and Yuan should be dead, therefore Forcystus and Lloyd not even existing.
So why are they still there, although they screwed around on history?
C-A |
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KK Twain
Joined: 26 Jul 2005
Posts: 1436
Location: Writer's Guild
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 6:45 am Post subject: |
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That spoof was hiliarious.
I really liked how Lloyd and Forcystus has the spotlight in this one. It was interesting to have the two main characters in the same spoof. (Although, no one can be really sure what Forcystus' background is.) I honestly think this spoof is one my favorites.
I'm trying to decide if I should read the ToS:DotNW spoof when you post it, since I don't know if I'll ever get the game. Or, more importantly than worrying about spoilers, do you think I would get the jokes if I never played the game?
I look forward to whatever you write next! |
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Meowzy
Joined: 08 Oct 2005
Posts: 9586
Location: The Sacred Realm
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 7:55 am Post subject: |
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I think that you will end up buying the game sooner or later, whether it's right now or as soon as you see it in a budget bin for ten bucks. A lot of the jokes I'm using will revolve around referencing back to the first game, or just plain making fun of Emil and Marta. So I'm pretty sure you'll get the majority of the jokes. Whenever there's a big flaw in a certain scene, though, I'll be sure to point those out, so you might not get those.
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Ryou_chan
Joined: 03 Oct 2005
Posts: 1238
Location: Right there!
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| Posted: Sun Nov 02, 2008 1:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Meowzy wrote: |
Forcystus: That’s not what it looked like to me.
Lloyd: But I can’t be evil! I just can’t be!
Forcystus: Calm down.
Lloyd: No, I will not calm down! This is all wrong! It’s like some sort of shameless plot twist to sell a sub-par videogame spin-off! This is- I’m not-
*he starts to hyperventilate. Forcystus hands him a paper bag to breathe into* |
Orly? Say it ain't so.
I drawing your picture now. Click here if you want a spoiler. Don't if you want to wait til I've finished it.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v337/Ryou_chan/Previewcomiclol.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v337/Ryou_chan/Previewcomiclol2.jpg
It's a comic 
Yuan will be featured most prominantly. But for now this is all you get til the linework is finished. >3 On that note I have stolen sockratos and holding him ransom for the sum of 5 dollars. Sorry. |
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