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Matthias

Joined: 02 Jun 2007 Posts: 5298 Location: Setting out over the horizons.
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:15 pm Post subject: The Matthias RPG Awards |
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Hullo, all, and welcome to the Matthias RPG awards, where I go through all the RPGs I've played and awards various things! Why? Because I freakin' can.
A massive thanks to Conn for being my soundboard as I deliberated over this stuff.
I'll go through several amazing awesome categories, and point out the best, the supreme, the awesome stuff, and the stuff that made me want to gouge out my eyes with toothpicks.
What's the best named RPG Item? What was the most horrendous moment in any RPG? Who's got the best finishing move? What's the best music, ranging from battle music to town music? Who would you want as a buddy in real life, and who would you rather serve toxic waste to? Who's the manliest of the men, and who puts the fem in feminine? And who best wore a dress when they shouldn't have?
All these questions and more will be sounded off on by yours truly, so stick around, and feel free to share your views and tell me I'm a blithering idiot.
Few things to point out:
a) These are my opinions. Which are all infallibly right. Obviously.
b) If you've got a category you'd like me to weigh in on, let me know!
c) These are RPGs I've played. I've still not gotten around to every single RPG ever played. I've played a great deal, but I'm still working on it. Also being a poor college grad, I don't get the chance to import many - if any - Japan only games. If it hasn't been localized (officially or fan wise) here in the U S and A, it's chance of being on here is highly less.
NOW HERE IS A LIST OF EVERYTHING IN THE TOPIC, HOTLINKED TO THE POST FOR YOUR CONVIENCE.
MASSIVE THANKS TO SISTAOFPEACE.
Best and Worst Town (or just scroll down, you lazy punk, it's this post)
Best and Worst Silent Protagonist
Best and Worst Victory Music
Best and Worst Battle Music
Best and Worst Personal Aide/Sidekick
Best and Worst Dungeon
Best RPG character you'd want as a friend in real life
Best Character Who's Awesome in an RPG, but you know you'd hate them if it was real life
Worst Character, who sucks in the game, and you'd **** hate them if it was real life and beat them with a tire iron
Best Obvious Sexhound
Best and Worst Minigame
Best and Worst Weapon
Best and Worst Victory Celebration
Best and Worst Crossdresser
Best and Worst Optional Party Member
Best and Worst Character Theme
Best and Worst Cid
Best and Worst Opening/Title Theme
Best and Worst Obvious Ripoff
Best Gilgamesh
Best and Worst Class Archetype
Best Use of Musical Instruments
Best and Worst Incidental One Note NPC
Best and Worst End Boss Music
Horribly Bad RPG Jokes
Best and Worst Villain Group
Best and Worst Loli/Shota/Child Party Member
Best and Worst World Map Music
Best and Worst Ground Transportation You Use to Get Around the Big Ass Overworld Faster
Best Single Use Weapon
Best and Worst Innkeeper
Best Piece of Music I was Suprised to Find I Liked, and Now Am Semi-Ashamed to Admit I Like
Best and Worst Shopkeeper
Weirdest, Yet Somehow Still Awesome Weapon
Best and Worst Mascot
Best Attack (Comedy)
Best Unintentionally Funny Line
Most Painful Line that can't even be funny
Best and Worst Rival
Best Underhanded Reference to Sex
The Bridget Honorarium Award for Best Trap (which doubles as the award for Worst Trap)
Best and Worst Dungeon Music
Best and Worst Regular Boss Music
Best and Worst Castle Music
Best and Worst Festival/Celebration
Most "**** YOU" Decision a Game Basically Forces You to Make
Most Pointless Sidequest
Most Obvious, Why Did You Bother Plot Twist
Most WTF Attack
Best for the Lulz moment in an otherwhise "serious" game
Worst Mind ****
Best Attack (effectiveness/usefullness)
Best and Worst Sad Music
Best and Worst Airship/Flying Device
Best and Worst Villain/Boss Death
The Reserve Team - The Honorable Mentions
Best Pokemon - Matthias' Dream Six
Worst Pokemon - Banes of my Exsistence
Best Outfit/Character Design
Best and Worst Hat/Headgear
Hardest Battle Against a Seemingly Harmless Object/Person/Creature
Most Aggravating Random Monster Boss Who You Must Fight During the Game's Storyline, But Who Isn't Even Really Part of the God Damn Plot And Is There Just to Give You A Hard Boss Because the Developers Felt Like Being Jack Offs
Most Badass Hero Character Death
Most Emotional Hero Character Death
Worst Hero Character Death
Best and Worst Heroism Music
Best and Worst Sound Effect
Most Overused Weapon and Weapon I'd Like to See/See More Of
Top Things that Let me Know I'm a Pervert And/Or Am Too Immature to be playing these games
Most Awful Shift in Tone of a Song that started off great but Then goes to argh
Top Characters I Can Never Take Seriously, Ever
The Mark Hamill Award for Best Evil Laugh and Worst Evil Laugh
Best and Worst Dynamic Duo
Best and Most Disappointing Team Up Attack
Best "That Guy/That Girl" and Worst That Guy/That Girl, Who Seem Like They Should Kick Tons of Ass But Just Suck
Best and Worst Battle System
Most Acceptable RPG You Can Play in Public and Not Feel Like a Complete Nerd/Worst RPG To Play it Public, It WILL Make you Feel Like a Complete Nerd
Best and Worst Source of Power
Best and Worst Ruler
Female Whose Boobs Make Me Go "Oh Dear God" the Most, Usually Out of Fear they'll pop out of the screen and poke my God damn Eyes Out, and might actually benefit from some less boobage/no boobage
Most Asthetically Appealing Boobs that I did not mind if they distracted me
Female who could benefit most from some more boobage
Most Innappropriately Titled Music Track
Best and Worst Special Boss Music
Best and Worst Cameo
Topics in pages 1-10
Topics in pages 11-20
Topics in pages 21-30
Topics in pages 31-40
Topics in pages 41-50
Topics in pages 51-60
Topics in pages 61-70
Topics in pages 71-80
Topics in pages 81-90
Best and Worst Town Music
Most "**** You" Status Ailment and Most Laughable Status Ailment
Best and Worst Event Music
Best and Worst Ending Theme
Best Passable Couple and Worst Couple
Best Super Move/Finishing Move/Limit Break/Mystic Arte/Soul Crush Attack
Most Blase/Annoying/Stupid Super Move
Best and Worst Spell
Matthias' beginnings as an RPG player
Best Bromantic, We Know They're Secretly Gay Couple
Worst Bromantic, This Insults the Gay Community Gay Couple
Best and Worst game Title
Best and Worst Character name (Hero and Villain)
Christmas Mix up: Why I always write down what I want for Christmas
Best and Worst Town Name
Best and Worst Dungeon Name
Best and Worst Attack/Spell Name
Best and Worst Parental Units
Best and Most Disappointing Ultimate Weapon
Best and Worst Joke Weapon
Best and Worst Comical/Joke Weapon
Best Comical RPG
Most Surprising Emotional Moment
Best and Worst Animal/Animal...Man...Thing Party Member
Best and Worst End Boss Fight
Most Vomit Inducing/Cringe Inducing Sequence
Best "Holy ****, I'm restarting my game so I can watch that **** again" sequence
Best "Holy ****, I'm restarting my game so I can PLAY that **** again" sequence
Most "Holy ****, did that really just happen?" sequence
Most Passable Gag-Inducing Romantic Sequence
Most Gag-Inducing, Poke My God Damn Eyeballs Out Romantic Sequence
Best and Worst One on One Fight
Without further ado, let's get on to our first two categories!
I'll list some runner ups, and then my choice for winner.
BEST TOWN
Runners Up
Lindblum, Final Fantasy 9
Airship gate? Check. Tram car system? Check. Seedy bar district? Check.
Theater district? Check. Tons of shops, including a synthesis shop? Check. Lots to do here. Add on to the fact that their regent is a badass, even as a oglop or frog, and the town's pretty cool. Add to the fact that there's a festival solely devoted to running around and killing monsters in the streets, and then eating meat with your bare hands, and it becomes awesome.
Grillin' Village, Brave Fencer Musashi
There's always something a little different going on in pretty much what is the only town in this game, but that means...there's always something going on - different hours for shops, meaning something's
changed everytime you come, and several parts of the town actually take center stage in your adventures (the bar, the church). Also, it has a toy shop. TOY SHOP. **** YES. Also, it has an apostrophe IN ITS NAME. Badass. Not to mention the villagers began to recognize you, making you feel at least a little bit connected to these people you have to save every five seconds. Except Tim. I cannot forgive him for the Vambee sequence. Ever.
The Citadel, Mass Effect
Massive massive town, with lots of people, an epic boatload of
sidequests, side passages, and little hidden bits to find. I wandered around here for hours finding out about the history, chatting up the residents (the aliens who announce their emotions before each line are drolly amusing), and becoming immersed in life aboard the Citadel.
That's something rare and special - the citadel is not a pitstop for your adventures, it's a destination in its own right.
AND the WINNER is...
Fuschia City, Pokemon Red/Blue
It has the Safari Zone. Forget Everything else. It has the Safari Zone. It has a park where you can legally throw rocks and raw meat at animals, and stuff them into airtight balls. ****, I love this town.
WORST TOWN
Runners Up:
Midgar, FF7
GET ME THE **** OUT OF HERE! Seriously, why must we spend the first five hours in this **** hole?
Kobold Village, Suikoden
What village? It's three **** houses! Not to mention you can't teleport to it. There's...an item shop, and two recruits. That's it.
AND the LOSER is...
Elves' Village, Suikoden
Not only do the bastards throw my ass in jail when I
first get there just for exsisting, but they overcharge my ass for everything when I get out, and then have the audacity to get burned down before I get back. Stupid elves. _________________

Last edited by Matthias on Sat Mar 27, 2010 4:31 am; edited 2 times in total |
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FyshStyx

Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 4940
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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K now do best/worst party member (class) archetype. _________________
You will never fall apart Diana, you're still in our hearts
and Kyle-kun too! |
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CloudXSword

Joined: 15 Jul 2006 Posts: 16141
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Posted: Wed Jun 03, 2009 10:23 pm Post subject: |
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Oh, I remember this.
I expect to see Cloud in at least your runner ups for Best Hero!!!! _________________ HG FC: 5414 2087 9802 |
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Matthias

Joined: 02 Jun 2007 Posts: 5298 Location: Setting out over the horizons.
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:00 am Post subject: |
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BEST SILENT PROTAGONIST
Runners Up
Amaterasu, Okami
You're a dog. Of course you're silent! It actually makes sense!
Vahn, Legend of Legaia
You do not need to talk when you a) have a magical wristband to do it for you, and b) when you dominate with that many explosive martial arts moves. I think your foes get the point that you don't like them when you
punch them square in the god damn face.
AND the WINNER is...
Link, Legend of Zelda series
Could it be anyone else? This mute bastard has not spoken a word since the beginning, but he has managed to give people his name without speaking, gain friends, allies, and an archenemy without speaking, able to woo just about every women in Hyrule without speaking, able to put up with a god damn annoying fairy without so much as batting an eyelash, traversed the globe and all its dungeons, all while enduring the shame of looking like a woman or a reject from a Celtic culture festival. His wealth of facial expressions conveyed in Twilight Princess confirmed he will never need a line of actual dialogue, just random grunts and cries.
WORST SILENT PROTAGONIST
Runners Up
Main Character, Persona 3
It's not that he's a bad character, it's just that he has absolutely no reason to be silent. He says enough lines, through your dialogue choices, that he could have easily been voiced for those. And guess what? HE
DOES HAVE VOICE ACTING. Poor Yuri Lowenthal should've gotten more to do other than "Per..son...a" and the Persona names. (Yes, I know he also voiced Pharos. I meant for the main character.)
Isaac, Golden Sun
Honestly, this isn't entirely Isaac's fault. You get your ability to say "Yes" and "No" just fine. It's just that people have a habit of repeating your yes or no answers, especially that loudmouth git Garet. It makes your silence
rather irksome when the giant gorilla next to you says "yeah, Isaac totally disagrees!" and stuff. Not to mention the one line the poor bastard actually gets is "!!!" Great. I can Mind Read DOGS in this game, and get more dialogue than from this guy. Add on the fact that he's a blabbermouth in the sequel, and you really have to wonder why the hell he's a silent protag in the first damn place.
AND the LOSER is...
The Entire Freakin' Party, Final Fantasy 1
(Yes, the screenshot is from the Origins redraft. Whatever.)
Say SOMETHING? Anything? Please? I'd like to think I'm actually playing characters, and not just classes. I will admit, I did play this game for the first time after reading 8 bit theather, so perhaps my expectations
were skewed. Still, I've never felt a greater disassociation with a party then with this one. I mean, even stereotypical "You won't get away with this, Garland!" banter would be better than one sided villain and NPC rambling. _________________
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Charlie

Joined: 10 May 2004 Posts: 11984 Location: Nationalist Canada
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:09 am Post subject: |
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Midgar is really the only good part of FFVII. _________________
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Mr Blobby
Joined: 08 Dec 2004 Posts: 18060
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:12 am Post subject: |
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| That was the impression I got from following LPs. The only part with an interesting setting, at least. |
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CloudXSword

Joined: 15 Jul 2006 Posts: 16141
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:15 am Post subject: |
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oh hey guys don't mind me just being the best silent protag ever
=( _________________ HG FC: 5414 2087 9802 |
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Conn

Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 17186
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:18 am Post subject: |
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Chrono Trigger has pretty weak characters if you ask me :( _________________

We’re always waiting, waiting for the worst things. We’re tired of fighting, fighting for our lost dreams. |
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Gondor Reficul

Joined: 10 Jun 2008 Posts: 6686 Location: Mardias
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 1:46 am Post subject: |
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Chrono Trigger doesn't have weak characters exactly, but they don't get much development.
Also Minato should replace the FFI party for worst silent protagonist, but that's just me.
Do a "Best Female Protagonist" sometime. _________________
"Why all the fighting? Can't we be friends?" |
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Curimuch

Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 16869
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:41 am Post subject: |
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| JIMBOB IS DEAD wrote: | | That was the impression I got from following LPs. The only part with an interesting setting, at least. |
| Charlie wrote: | | Midgar is really the only good part of FFVII. |
Both of you are so terrible. I've played the game so many times and each time I want to get the **** out of there. ):
Setting is interesting, but good **** i hate being in there. _________________
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Gondor Reficul

Joined: 10 Jun 2008 Posts: 6686 Location: Mardias
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:47 am Post subject: |
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I have to agree and say that Midgar is a horrible town. I'd probably tolerate it more if you didn't spend the first 5 hours of the game stuck in there. 3 maybe, but definitely not 5. _________________
"Why all the fighting? Can't we be friends?" |
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MasterT

Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 19198
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:11 am Post subject: |
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| CloudXSword wrote: | | oh hey guys don't mind me just being the best silent protag ever |
| sploitz wrote: | | look at me I'm crono I'm so cool I **** die halfway through the game woooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo |
_________________
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Yellow Invazn

Joined: 19 Jun 2005 Posts: 4207
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:16 am Post subject: |
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| MasterT wrote: | | CloudXSword wrote: | | oh hey guys don't mind me just being the best silent protag ever |
| sploitz wrote: | | look at me I'm crono I'm so cool I **** die halfway through the game woooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo |
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| more spoils wrote: | | hey guys i'm crono if you get one of the endings you get to see me say 1 useless block of text to marle and lucca |
_________________
No |
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Blue Lightning

Joined: 04 May 2005 Posts: 12903 Location: Don't mind me, just being badass adorable
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:30 am Post subject: |
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| Conn wrote: | Chrono Trigger has pretty weak characters if you ask me  |
No
no no no no no no no no no no no no
 _________________
[My youtube videos] - [Megaman fanclub] |
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Curimuch

Joined: 13 Feb 2007 Posts: 16869
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 3:34 am Post subject: |
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It did. _________________
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